x Eve Woman Wellness Readers Lounge Leisure and Travel My Man Bridal Health Relationships Parenting About Us Digital News Videos Opinions Cartoons Education E-Paper Lifestyle & Entertainment Nairobian Entertainment Eve Woman Travelog TV Stations KTN Home KTN News BTV KTN Farmers TV Radio Stations Radio Maisha Spice FM Vybez Radio Enterprise BULK SMS E-Learning Digger Classified Jobs The Standard Group Corporate Contact Us Rate Card Vacancies DCX O.M Portal Corporate Email RMS
Login ×
BTV
VAS
DCX
RMS

Confessions: In our family, Christmas is nothing but a season for bickering

Readers Lounge - By Hilda Boke Mahare | December 7th 2020 at 09:20:00 GMT +0300
They don’t usually turn out all that well in our extended family (Shutterstock)

December is here and I’m dreading it because of the Christmas Holidays. They don’t usually turn out all that well in our extended family. All that shopping for relatives in ‘shags’, the family get-together, big meals, and trying to get everything just right is stressful.

Even just spending so much time together leads to a lot of arguments. Little irritations become infuriating, and we start bringing up old disputes better forgotten. I suppose it’s no wonder my wife and I fall out over the holidays! Is there some way we can do things better?

Morris

What readers say

Your problem could be that you are not ready to be yourself. While it’s Biblical to live your life serving other people, there is nothing wrong in being honest and firm. Don’t fail to go home; remember to shop for those whom you must but without killing yourself; stop at that and should anyone want to know why things have changed, they had better remember that this is 2020 and there’s a pandemic which wasn’t there last year. Repeat the strategy and let it be the ‘new normal’. In summary, be your own person without losing the human being in you.

- Tasma Saka

  1. READ MORE
  2. 1. Meghan Markle says there were "concerns" in royal family over colour of Archie's skin
  3. 2. Meghan Markle was suicidal in royal family but claims she wasn't allowed to get help
  4. 3. Confessions: I can't stand to be around my nine-year-old daughter - I avoid her at all costs
  5. 4. Confessions: We tried the 3x3 rule in our marriage and we've never been happier

Going on holiday should be for leisure and for releasing built-up tension and not vice versa. I would advise you to sit down with your partner to iron out your differences. Plan together. Know and respect each one’s interests. You also need to contribute as per your strengths. Avoid blame games or leaving responsibility to one person or burdening one partner’s share resources and responsibility. Pray together and share a meal together. Respect each opinion and do not overlook each other, give each time to express his or her feelings. Avoid quarreling over petty issues. Seek advice from counselors, elders, your parents from both sides and church ministers.

- Onyango Outha

Morris, yes this time is challenging for most families. It is a period of over-expectation and extravagance. Always remember the purpose of coming together. State your full expectations so that everybody around understands the boundaries from which to operate. Handle the cause of any discomfort. Handle spending by clearly setting aside a specific amount you would wish spend and stick to your budget. Spend only a reasonable amount of time together, always read ahead; if you suspect an argument is brewing, take off. Equally, avoid stories that would unearth the past. You must be very aware now of what transpires between you and your wife before the bickering starts. Cautiously treat that. They say spending quality time with the family -- this does not mean spending whole days with them. Only be with them when necessary and handle the conversations well. If you’re in a group, note the direction a conversation is taking and, should it be going south, avoid the group altogether.

- Ouma Ragumo-Sifuyo

Hilda says

Morris, as long as there is human interaction, there will always be conflict. If handled well, conflict can help to develop our social skills. Now that we cannot completely do away with it, we must know how to manage it. Here are somethings we need to know about conflict.

First, conflict happens when there is divergence of opinion and or ideas; there is nothing wrong about having a different feeling concerning a matter. Remember we are all different, we perceive things differently and therefore our views on a given matter can be as varied as the number of people present. So, different is not wrong.

Secondly, that someone does not act or interprets a matters your way does not mean that they are against you. Separate yourself from your ideas, such that if they are not followed, it is your opinion or idea that was rejected and not you or your person. Otherwise, you are likely to be offended and end up holding unnecessary grudges.

There are so many factors that help to forms one’s view and perspective. They range from one’s upbringing, experiences that one has gone through, among others.

When you have this in mind, you consciously make provision for people’s contrary stand. So when you gather as an extended family, take the differences positively. If there are unresolved issues among yourselves, speak openly with the concerned person. Preferably do this privately. Clarify misunderstandings that you clearly seem to hold against each other.

Also help your spouse understand your family. Family members share common traits from their upbringing, this will reduce the tension between her and the rest of your family, which eventually trickles the two of you. Be realistic in your interaction with your family, do not struggle to impress at the expense of your family or your own expense.

Another important skill but so often ignored is having a sense of humour. Do not take everything so personal. Laugh some things off. I know some relations can offend you intentionally but do not fall into their trap. Take a deep breath and walk away. I am by no means telling you to be everyone’s doormat but, with proper discernment, you will know what to brush off and what to ignore. Otherwise, holidays are a time to relax and reconnect. Enjoy the season. Enjoy the rich diversity in your family. You will be surprised how much goodness you have been missing out on.

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology

Be The First To Comment

Top Stories

Meghan Markle was suicidal in royal family but claims she wasn't allowed to get help
Entertainment - By Mirror


Confessions: We tried the 3x3 rule in our marriage and we've never been happier
Marriage Advice - By Mirror


Meghan Markle 'should have confided in' Prince Philip who also 'struggled to fit in'
Entertainment - By Mirror


More fuel to why Prince Charles is not Prince Harry's real father
Relationships - By Mirror


4 ways to break a soul tie
Relationships - By Jennifer Karina


4 ways you can treat a vaginal itch at home
Health - By Wanja Mbuthia


More fuel to why Prince Charles is not Prince Harry's real father
Relationships - By Mirror


The last words of Kyrzayda Rodriguez, famous fashion blogger who succumbed to cancer
Trendsetters - By Lolita Bunde


Stop that hair loss and stimulate growth with rosemary
Beauty - By Renee Wesonga


4 ways to break a soul tie
Relationships - By Jennifer Karina


Latest Stories

Ex-addict who overdosed 19 times shares incredible transformation
Readers Lounge - By Mirror


Search for 300 abducted Nigerian school girls continues as boys freed
Readers Lounge - By Reuters


Woman remains hopeful despite being bedridden for 32 years
Readers Lounge - By Audrey Masitsa


Gunmen storm secondary school, kidnap over 300 girls in Nigeria
Readers Lounge - By Derrick Oluoch


My reflections: Local that makes me feel grown up, modern
Readers Lounge - By Ema Tinje


How to change your duvet cover in only 90 seconds
Readers Lounge - By Eve writer


Kenya becomes 2nd African country to launch alliance to counter gender-based stereotypes
Readers Lounge - By Derrick Oluoch


El Chapo’s former beauty queen wife faces life in jail for 'running drug empire'
Readers Lounge - By Mirror


Myanmar military seizes power, detains elected leader Aung San Suu Kyi
Readers Lounge - By Reuters


‘I had tears in my eyes as Kamala Harris gives every woman of colour chance to be heard’
Readers Lounge - By Mirror


Stay Ahead!

Access premium content only available
to our subscribers.

Or Login With Your Standard Account
Support independent journalism

Please enter your email address to continue

Support independent journalism
×
Create An Account
Support independent journalism
I have an account Log in
Reset Password
Support independent journalism
Log in