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'My wife hates me for going to stay in a cabin after she told me she's pregnant'

Pregnancy - By Mirror | November 10th 2020 at 10:51:56 GMT +0300
The woman has accused her husband of acting unreasonably (Photo: Shutterstock)

When it comes to parenthood, it's an anxious time for every couple when they learn that they are expecting.

One man has asked for advice after his newly pregnant wife criticised him for leaving her at home alone after she broke the news that they were expecting.

Although they were actively trying to have a child, the man says the news caused him a lot of anxiety and he wanted some space to think.

But his wife thinks he acted unreasonably and shouldn't have left her.

She has accused him of prioritising his mental wellbeing over hers and now the pair are divided on the topic.

Asking for advice on the Am I The Ahole forum, the dad-to-be wrote: "This was a planned pregnancy, so it wasn't unexpected, but it's still big news.

"I'd already been experiencing a lot of anxiety about parenthood and have for some time (even some performance anxiety because of it), but when she told me she was pregnant it kicked into overdrive.

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"I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, but more than that I felt like I just needed to get away - away from her and the situation and to have some time to think about it.

"I ended up going to stay at my parents' cabin for a few days, and I think it helped.

"When I came back I felt more relaxed and not as anxious.

"I also had time to really think about the pregnancy and come to terms with it.

He said he needed time to think about the pregnancy and come to terms with it (Photo: Shutterstock)

"My wife now says that I shouldn't have gone and should have stayed at home to support her.

"She doesn't feel like what I did was fair since she also has fears and anxieties and she thinks I prioritized my mental wellbeing over hers and the baby.

"I think that's an extreme reaction since I only was gone a few days, kept in constant contact with her, and came back in a much better state.

"I can understand why my reaction was probably not what she wanted, but she did tell me that she wouldn't object if I felt like I needed a few days to process things.

"What I did doesn't seem like something that would make me the ahole.

"I don't really think my wife is one either unless it would be for telling me it was okay to go away and then changing her mind.

"So I am here asking if anything that happened makes either of us the ahole."

After sharing about their argument on Reddit, lots of people accused the man of acting unreasonably.

One person blasted: "Nope. Absolutely not. You do not get to act like this.

"This was a planned pregnancy, which means you both agreed to it and actively worked to achieve it.

"The second you signed on for unprotected sex, you accepted that your well-being is now second place.

"You're stressed? You're anxious? How do you think your wife feels?

"She has a literal human being growing inside of her that is dependent on her for everything and will be dependent on her for a lot of things after it's out."

Another responded: "That poor woman will never truly know if you have her back or not.

"She’ll probably expect you to run out of the delivery room and go to your parents cabin when your kid has their first all night screaming session.

"What a horrific and stressful way for her to begin her much wanted pregnancy."

But one person was more sympathetic and pointed out that the time alone had helped the man get into a more positive frame of mine.

They replied: "So once you're married you're no longer allowed to take some time to process your feelings?

"More than that, you're not even allowed to HAVE feelings unless you first ensure the mental wellbeing of everyone else in your household?"

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