Seven things men think about long before becoming dads

Fatherhood is often celebrated as a great milestone, marked by the arrival of a child. Yet for many men, the journey begins much earlier, in quiet moments of contemplation, whispered questions, and private fears. Long before they ever hold a child, men envision what fatherhood might mean, shaping their readiness not through obvious rituals, but through subtle choices, silent reflections, and the examples they witness around them. Unlike the visible preparations expected of women, men prepare in ways often unseen.

Here are seven things men often consider before ever becoming fathers, told in their own words.

For most men, particularly young men, the first measure of readiness is financial stability. Even before there is a partner or even a thought of children, money looms large. The question arises: Will I be able to provide for a family? It is both a concern and a quiet fear.

Peter Mwamboa, a young man, captures a feeling shared by many:

“I keep telling myself: once I can afford to buy a house, then I can have children. Maybe that’s just an excuse, but I don’t want to bring a child into uncertainty.”

Money isn’t everything, but for many men, financial preparedness feels like the first step into fatherhood. Some delay until they feel secure; others trust that they will grow into the responsibility.

Every man carries the shadow, or the light of his own father.

Brian Kioko reflects on his upbringing:

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“My dad was always working, hardly around. I get that his job required it, but I’ve promised myself, if I ever become a father, I’ll be present. I want my kids to feel me there. I want to help them with their homework, to watch them grow.”

Whether to repeat the good or resist the bad, men begin shaping their fatherhood long before it arrives. Sometimes the preparation is less about acquiring new skills, and more about unlearning inherited wounds. For those who grew up with an absent or unreliable father, there is often a fierce determination not to pass that cycle on.

Beneath the surface, fatherhood stirs fear that men rarely articulate. What if I mess it up? What if I am too impatient? What if I cannot connect with my child in the way I hope to?

These questions are not often spoken, yet they linger. Such anxieties quietly influence how men approach stability, relationships, and long-term decisions. The silence around them does not diminish their weight.

Many men find their earliest lessons in fatherhood not at home, but in the world around them; through teachers, uncles, mentors, or even fictional characters.

Brian recalls his own unexpected source of guidance:

“I learnt how to guide and discipline from my high school coach. Funny enough, I think of him when I imagine how I’d father my own kids.”

These subtle influences serve as reference points, shaping an unspoken manual of fatherhood that men may one day draw upon.

Fatherhood is not only biological. It is also felt in the care men extend to nieces and nephews, younger colleagues, or children in the community.

As Brian reflects:

“My sister’s kids treat me like their second dad. When I take them out or help with homework, I think: maybe I’d be good at this after all.”

These small but profound experiences often confirm that parenting is more about presence and consistency than bloodlines.

For many men in relationships, the first rehearsal of fatherhood begins there. The patience and care invested in a partner often mirror the qualities fatherhood demands.

Peter shared one such moment:

“When my partner was sick last year, and I had to juggle cooking, cleaning, and just being there for her, it hit me that this is probably what fatherhood feels like. Showing up even when I’m tired.”

Through such moments, men learn that fatherhood is not only about providing materially, but about presence, empathy, and reliability.

Even men who never plan to have children contemplate legacy. What will they leave behind? For many, their name is their mark, a brand of character they hope to pass on.

Legacy might be lived through children, but it can also be carried in art, in work, or in the lives they touch.