How do you talk about your wife’s pot belly?

Carol is not pregnant. You know that for sure. OK, maybe she is. But if she is, then she never displayed any sign, like morning sickness, so that you can know.

But her tummy has been growing, and she looks the least worried. A year ago, when you were dating, and you had a thing for nyama choma and beer, she hated your extended belly to a point of paying a gym subscription for you. You took it positively. You worked yourself out and in a few months, you were in a rude good shape. There was world peace.

Carol, herself used to be a gym freak. But as soon as you took her in, she stopped working out gradually to a point she stopped completely. Now, you are not even sure if she even owns a pair of running shoes.

Why? Was she a gym freak just because she wanted a man? Or she has been too busy? But how can she be too busy for the gym, when a plate of fries and chicken still runs her wild? You never saw a girl so addicted to fitness. Could be age...she is not into her comfortable side of the 30s.

Here comes the tricky business. How do you tell her she is putting on weight without offending her? Weight is a touchy issue for women. It will be absolutely suicidal. Yet, you are not comfortable with her adding more weight and you recently observed that her tummy is not unlike what you had last year.

Around her waist, she has added so much fat, you can actually see it bursting out of her blouses. What is worrying is that she doesn't seem to care. Not that you have five children so that she can give up on her body with such recklessness.

"Baby, you haven't been to the gym, lately?"

You tell her in the morning as she steps out of the bathroom and she is dressing.

"Aki, there is no time. Am I that fat? Is it bothering you?"

"Yes. Yes." You want to answer both questions, but you know that will royally piss her off. Now you have to be more politically correct.

"Not really, but you are hotter with a few kilos less, than you are now..."

Silence. She knows you are right, but you have no right of telling her how much she must weigh for her to be sexy. She leaves for work. Without saying a word. You don't know if she is mad. And if she is, what can you do to amend the situation?

"Are you mad at me? Sorry if I offended you."

You text her at noon, worried sick that she could be mad.

"Why should I be mad?" she asks back with a playful emoji.

But you know she is trying to be mature and all. But deep within she can knife you in your sleep.

"Ooh, I thought you got offended by my asking you to hit the gym..."

"Naah, I am actually joining this evening. Worry about other things..."

You are relieved. But she is vengeful. And she can be extreme. You are afraid that soon, she will start her carrot and lemon juice regime and that means you will starve and quickly revert to your nyama choma.

What is life?

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