Ten fans you can't miss in Kenyan stadia

This football season has seen Kenyans flock to stadia in their thousands to cheer on the national team. And for once, fans have not been disappointed by the performance on the pitch. Yet beyond the game itself, Kasarani Stadium has offered its own sideshow, a fascinating theatre of characters. From self-styled experts to TikTok stars, here are 10 types of fans you are guaranteed to encounter at Kasarani Stadium.

1. Mr Know-it-all

Every stadium has one. He loudly insists he knows football inside out, despite having never studied the game formally. From kick-off to full-time, he critiques the coach’s line-up, offers tactical suggestions, and declares what the players “should” have done to score. Whether his advice is right or wrong, he delivers it with the confidence of a seasoned pundit.

2. The TikTok live guru

Armed with a smartphone and a ring light, she is there less for the match and more for her followers. Having paid the Sh1,000 entrance fee, she hustles her way to a front-row seat, ensuring her livestream captures every moment. She provides a running commentary for her audience, speaking with more passion than some of the actual commentators.

3. The opportunist

For this fan, the match is merely a smokescreen for petty theft. While others cheer, he scours the stands for unattended bags, dangling phones, or distracted supporters. Too many fans have left the stadium mourning a lost wallet or smartphone thanks to his silent, but swift manoeuvres.

4. The husband hunter

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She has tried dating apps without success and now views the stadium as an open market. With thousands of men in one place, her mission is simple: mingle, charm, and hopefully leave with more than just a match-day experience. By the final whistle, she hopes to have secured a promising contact, or even a proposal.

5. The attention seeker

He knows the event will be live on television. Determined to make it onto the broadcast, he will paint his chest with slogans, break into random dances, or scream until the cameras pan his way. On daring days, he might even dash across the pitch mid-game, basking in a fleeting moment of national fame.

6. The idler

With little to occupy his time, he drifts into the stadium to while away the hours. After the final whistle, while most fans head home, he lingers aimlessly—perhaps avoiding a landlord waiting with rent arrears. To him, the stadium is less about football and more about killing time.

7. The emotional chap

Football, for him, is not entertainment, but a matter of life and death. When his team loses, he might smash his phone, curse the referee, or even break into tears. Conversely, if his side wins, he is the first to storm the pitch, desperate to embrace the goal scorer as if they were lifelong friends.

8. The witch

Arriving early, he positions himself strategically near the opponent’s side of the field. Convinced of the power of dark arts, he mutters incantations and scatters mysterious substances, hoping to curse rival players. Risking ejection by stewards, he believes black magic is the surest way to guarantee victory.

9. The salesperson

While others are glued to the match, she is counting profits. With a tray of boiled eggs, sweets, smokies—or even boxers—she moves briskly through the stands, selling to hungry or forgetful fans. The stadium is her marketplace, and every cheer is another opportunity to make a sale. She gladly pays the entrance fee, knowing she’ll recover it from profits.

10. The Tag-along

She has no interest in football but accompanies her friends, boyfriend, or husband. Sometimes, she is there to keep an eye on her partner, ensuring no side affairs unfold under the guise of match-day excitement. Often she sits bewildered, not knowing who is playing, but determined not to be left out.