Signs that your boyfriend has a 'mumama'

Last Saturday, he showed up wearing crisp white trainers, a fitted shirt that looked brand new, and a cologne that smelled like it was imported. Just last month, he was complaining about fare increases and budgeting every penny.

When you ask him where all this came from, he smiles. He gives you a quick, almost practised grin before muttering something about a 'good deal' or 'a friend who helped out'. The numbers don’t add up, but the transformation is undeniable.

If you’ve spent time in certain circles in Nairobi, you’ve probably heard the term 'mumama'. It's slang for an older, often wealthy woman, more famously known as a sugar mummy. Perhaps you've joked about it, never imagining it could affect your own life. But now, his newfound glow, altered routines and guarded behaviour have you wondering: Could he be involved with one?

It's rarely just one sign. It's a pattern. First comes the lifestyle upgrade without a matching income. Then the schedule changes. Suddenly, there are late-night 'business meetings' and urgent weekend trips that you're not invited to. The excuses roll off his tongue as if he’s rehearsed them; each one is polished, yet oddly hollow.

Next is the phone. It's always in his pocket, placed face down with notifications silenced. He slips away to take certain calls and messages disappear before you can glance at the screen. If you try to touch his phone, you might see a sharp change in his mood.

Then there are the unexplained gifts. Branded watches, sleek gadgets and designer clothes all appear without a believable source. When you press him for an explanation, his stories are thin: 'It was a gift,' 'I got a bargain,' 'Don't worry about it.' His emotional behaviour fluctuates too; sometimes he’s distant and irritable, and at other times he’s overly sweet and showers you with affection, as though he’s trying to balance an unseen guilt.

Pay attention to names. There’s often an 'auntie' or 'family friend' who calls too often, sometimes late at night, or leaves social media comments dripping with familiarity: 'My handsome man', 'Miss you'. She’s older, polished and far too present for someone who is supposedly in the background.

If you're starting to feel suspicious, there's a simple way to test the waters. Casually bring up a story about younger men dating older, wealthy women and watch his reaction. If he becomes tense, changes the subject or gets defensive, you may have touched a nerve.

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On their own, these signs might mean nothing. Together, however, they start to paint a picture. Once you see the pattern, the makeover, the secretive phone calls, the strange hours, and the mysterious older figure, the question isn’t just whether he has a sugar mummy. The question becomes whether you’re willing to live with unanswered questions.