I'm worried about remarrying. Will I just mess it up again?

Hi Chris,

Sadly, my first marriage ended in divorce. And now I’m thinking about marrying again. But of course I worry that perhaps things will go wrong again. Am I right to be concerned?

Worried

Hi Worried!

It’s natural to worry, but at least you’ll be a lot wiser the second time around!

Because couples getting married for the first time generally expect that nothing will ever go wrong. But you do know that there are always ups and downs. And so you’ll put more thought into dealing with problems and conflict.

You’ll also know what you want from a relationship, because you’ll have thought a lot more about your needs than you did the first time. And that means you’ll talk about your needs more clearly.

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You also won’t feel under pressure to do things just to please other people. You know you don’t need to rush things, and so you can do everything in your own time. You won’t feel the need to do a big wedding again, and you will see your wedding in a different light. You won’t worry as much about what other people think, and instead you’ll just concentrate on enjoying your day. And on the deeper meaning of the ceremony.

The second time around, you’ll be far more ‘we’ focused. You’ll realise that a marriage is much more about being a team, and isn’t simply two people being sexy together. You’ll know how important it is to be on the same page when you’re doing things like managing your finances or discussing plans for the future. And that’s important, because many first-time couples end up constantly working against each other. Each is focusing so much on themselves that every conversation feels like there has to be a winner and a loser.

So of course you’ll worry, but in fact there’s every chance that your second time round will be much better than your first. So go for it!

All the best, Chris