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Home / Girl Talk

Confessions: How do I become more approachable to men?

 The problem is that I’m not good at chatting up men (Shutterstock)

Hi Chris,

I’m a woman in her late 30s, well educated, good at my job, and work really hard at it. But I’m also quite lonely.

The problem is that I’m not good at chatting up men, though I would love to get married and start a family.

I don’t know where to start. Where do I meet a good man? Is there a way to make myself more approachable or should I just create a fabulous career for myself and make peace with that?

——

Hi!

Well first of all, you’re in good company. Lots of well-educated career women are lonely. Because educated career women tend to put off marriage until their mid-thirties and beyond.

Nothing wrong with that, of course. It makes good sense to enjoy your career while you’re young and to start a family later. But don’t give up on relationships. Because no career, however wonderful, creates anything like the happiness of a good marriage.

But all that time concentrating on your career means you’ve probably forgotten how to date! And anyway, the dating rules are a little different when you’re in your late thirties. There are two reasons for that. First, all the good guys of your age are already married. The only ones who aren’t either have a screw loose - don’t marry them - or are shy and very hard to meet!

So you will need to concentrate on guys who are single again after a divorce or whatever.

Second, you need to get a move on! You can’t afford to get into a relationship that lasts several years only for it to fail. Do that twice and you’ve missed the chance of a family.

So, the trick is to check out every guy you meet - at work, through friends, through your social life and interests. But only for a few minutes. Just a brief chat - but with a purpose. Like is he available, has a good job, fun, sober, shares your interests and values and so on.

Aim to check out a hundred or so guys in a year - and that’s a lot easier than you think! Seriously, it’s only two a week! But go no further with anyone who doesn’t match your needs.

And quickly dump anyone who doesn’t treat you right, is unfaithful, and loses interest, whatever. Get the idea? Do that and the ones who’re left will be safe to marry! And you’ll have a lot of fun - and be happily married within a couple of years.

 

All the best,

Chris

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