10 habits men consider ‘un-ladylike’ in Nairobi

 A tongue-in-cheek definition of feminism is the act of women trying to emulate the bad habits of men. Indeed, Nairobi women are famed for their wild and aggressive behaviour when compared to their Ugandan, Rwandese and Tanzanian counterpart.

Anyway, here are the ten habits that make men frown, sometimes unconsciously when they see a lady do them openly. There is a difference between a woman and a lady. One is polished and refined. The other is not. If you consider yourself a lady, desist from these...

1. Scratching airtime card with nails

There is something violent about scratching airtime card with one’s nails. For women, there is carelessness to the whole process that men really frown upon. Scratching with a coin is the accepted standard. Scratching and then blowing the thin zinc coating away… Not very lady like.

2. Dismantling, dusting and assembling your phone in a matatu

Common along Thika Road. Maybe it is because of the traffic jam boredom. You see a woman dismantle her phone and proceed to breathe into the screen to make it moist and then wipe it with the sleeves of their sweater. Or the collars of their blouses. Some use wet wipes. Then they assemble it back and sit back and relax like they have not committed a serious gender and environmental crime.

3. Taking beer from a can or bottle

A woman drinking beer straight from the can is challenging established social norms and order. Drinking from the bottle, especially brown bottle is the ultimate statement of vulgarity. The world is so kind, it even made fancy beer and wine glasses for women. Why Nairobian women are disregarding defies any logical explanation.

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4. Picking teeth using nails

It is not uncommon to plant your fingers to fish a meat strand entangled annoyingly betwixt your teeth. Toothpicks were precisely invented to intervene when such happens. Men can be excused. But a woman who uses her nails to do so is inadvertently disgracing the feminine fraternity in the world. It is not cool. Certainly, not ladylike.

5. ‘Kutoa’ lock and extreme sheng

It is a linguistic crime of enormous crime when a lady talks in Sheng that is spoken at the heart of Dandora. Words such as mtu wangu or the gratingly wrong mtu nguyaz are masculine. And kutoa lock (drinking alcohol in the morning or at any other time to nurse a hangover) is a male excuse to abuse alcohol. If you hear a woman ever utter the words, run. Run my brother. She is an addict.

6. Hanging jackets on restaurant seats

When you see a young woman take off her jacket or coat and hang it on the back rest of the bar room seat, you start asking why Mboya and Pinto were assassinated. It is only corrupt and bureaucratic civil servants who are allowed to hang their worn-out coats in bar room seats.

7. Using too much chilli sauce and pepper

You have probably seen a woman in those fast food chains pour chilli sauce on her fries and proceed to eat them without even a whiff of a sneeze or some incipient tears in her eyes. And if you are a man who can barely manage two drops of chilli sauce, you feel like giving her your man card to keep for you.

8.  Hooting in traffic

Hooting in traffic is characteristic of aggressive male behaviour. Now when women engage in provocative hooting, where does that leave us as a country? Cool down.

9. Too much swearing

Swearing is a province of frustrated individuals. African-Americans are allowed to swear all they can for all the slavery they went through warrants their rage to date. It does not make you any more civilized than it makes you American. Calm down.

10.  Dancing to riddims and ragga

Dancing to riddims is the height of self-hatred. The misogynist lyrics and exploitation should make any woman schooled enough to reject the backward and socially retrogressive music.