When motherhood isn't what you expected it was going be

Motherhood is often painted in soft pastels and glowing light; a blissful experience filled with baby giggles, tender bonding and an instinct that simply clicks. But behind the curated photos and well-meaning advice lies a more complex, deeply human story, one that blends joy with exhaustion, love with uncertainty and beauty with raw, unfiltered reality.

The transition to motherhood can feel like the greatest bait-and-switch in the human experience. Many women prepare for birth, but few truly prepare for what it means to become.

Lina, a first-time mum at 26, says she assumed breastfeeding would be an intuitive, magical bonding experience, until it left her feeling like a failed science experiment.

“A few months before delivery, I developed high blood sugar. Hours after having the baby, my milk had not come in and the doctors were getting concerned. On her first day of life, I was feeding her formula through a supplemental nursing system (SNS). I was in tears that I was not able to give my daughter what she needed,” Lina says.

Sarah became a first-time mum at 22. She got pregnant in her fourth year on campus, and her partner asked her to move in so they could raise their child together. The early days of motherhood were overwhelming. “We believed a baby would be the ‘ultimate project’ to bring us together, imagining cosy evenings staring at our sleeping infant. But no one told me about cluster feeding from 1am to 5am. My child was up and wanting to nurse almost every hour. It became too much. I was anxious, scared and desperate for sleep.”

She goes on; “We turned into roommates, arguing over whose turn it was to hold the baby at night. Sleep deprivation turned minor disagreements into full-blown conflicts. Motherhood shifted our focus completely, but with time, we learned.”

For Damaris, pregnancy was smooth through both trimesters, but labour was a near-death experience. When her water broke, her husband rushed her to hospital, only to find that doctors were on strike. She was eventually admitted to a private hospital near her home.

“After admission, I was told I was 4cm dilated and advised to walk around to progress labour. But the pain became unbearable and I couldn’t even move my legs. I was induced, but the dilation remained stuck at 4cm for hours. Senior doctors recommended an emergency caesarean section. After my partner signed the consent forms, everything moved quickly. I remember feeling an intense heat all over my body and sweating a lot. It was the longest Sunday of my life. Then suddenly, I was told to sit in a wheelchair; it was time. My baby arrived.”

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For Lorine, becoming a first-time mum was far less complicated than she had feared. Having heard many stories about labour pain, she braced herself for the worst, but her experience was unexpectedly smooth. “I was prepared for the kind of pain women always talk about, but I was lucky; I didn’t experience labour pains at all. I delivered a healthy, bouncing baby girl.”

For Syder, 28, the early days of motherhood were filled with confusion and self-doubt.

“Everyone told me motherhood is instinctive. But when my son arrived, I felt lost. I didn’t know how to hold him properly at first, breastfeeding was painful, and I cried almost every day for the first two weeks. I loved my baby deeply, but I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing.”

Syder says the pressure to be a “perfect mum” quickly became overwhelming. For many first-time mothers, the expectation to get everything right, from feeding choices to sleep routines, can feel like an enormous weight.

Yet, motherhood, especially the first time, is not about perfection. It is about growth, adaptation, and a love that deepens through every challenge faced.