Are we teaching children bias without knowing it?

Children are not born with prejudice, but they are quick to notice difference and even quicker to absorb meaning from the world around them (Photo: iStock)

Children are not born prejudiced, but they are born observant. Noticing difference and attaching meaning to it starts earlier than many parents expect.

Clinical psychologist Faith Nyoike states that by the age of five or six, children are already picking up on social differences like skin colour, gender, hair texture, and family structures.

School environments, television, global streaming platforms, and the likes allow children to see different types of identities. Faith says that this is when they can start to compare, admire, and question their identity based on what they see.

At that age, she explains, they are curious and ask questions like, “Why are they not brown?” or “Why is her hair like that?”

“A child might express a desire to look like a character they watch or to belong to a certain group. In these early stages, the need for identity and autonomy is taking form,” Faith notes.

While noticing differences is instinctive, she says that children absorb attitudes from their environments by listening to the phrases used at home. They pick them the words and tone of the adults around them, and then repeat them. Casual remarks about tribe and class can cause them to view the world as “us” and “them”.

Culture, she adds, is not a bad thing, as it offers identity and belonging like the traditional attire, values, language, and customs.

“The problem arises when cultural identity is coming with statements that exclude and are harmful. Children are highly attuned, and they know when a tone has judgement and hostility,” she says.

The early signs of bias in children include withdrawing from certain people and showing preference for those who look like them.

Faith adds that as they grow older, approaching pre-adolescence around the age of ten, these perceptions may be hard to forget.

For example, if a child experiences rejection after approaching someone openly, they can shrink, be more cautious, and make them see the difference, and sometimes it becomes prejudice.

She notes that parents and caregivers have the power to create attitudes in children without realising it.

“Rules about where children can go, who they can interact with, what food they can eat in other homes, and how you describe a certain group of people send strong messages,” she says.

A child may be open to different experiences, but when a parent sets rules that perpetuate prejudice, it becomes ingrained.

The choice of when and how to use certain languages can also extend inclusion or exclusion. While multilingualism is natural and beneficial, it can also, at certain times, build exclusion and belonging concurrently. They learn that some conversations are meant for specific groups.

Similarly, silence is powerful; avoiding conversations about tribe, race, inequality, and differences doesn’t stop children from noticing them, she says. It leaves room for other influences from authority figures like teachers, religious leaders, peers, and caregivers like nannies.

"Sometimes silence can create biases but silence does not move them as much as what you say. What your position in what they are asking? Children are relentless in their questioning. If you don’t answer, someone else will as they can absorb values from many authority figures,” she raises concerns.

Interestingly, Faith highlights that peer groups are not the main causes of prejudice. Children tend to start friendships based on interests and age. Still, a child’s need to belong, fit in, be chosen, and be recognised can make them adopt the attitudes of those around them, she explains.

However, institutions like schools can unconsciously strengthen bias through cultural events, and continually selecting performances that favour certain groups over others.

“When children repeatedly see some identities celebrated and others sidelined, they internalise those experiences,” she states.

Even something as simple as asking for someone’s last name to determine their background and the respect to accord them, she observes, shows that people are categorised in social dynamics.

When it comes to what’s in the media, positively representing a people affirms identity and understanding, while biased and narrow depictions create prejudices. Content that shows diverse cultures gives children a more inclusive view of the world.

“Without this, they can form ideas such as equating beauty with lighter skin, thus affecting self-esteem and belonging,” she says.

Faith notes a strong link between prejudice and insecurity; in environments where certain identities are marginalised, children can hide aspects of themselves to avoid being discriminated. Then, these experiences influence how they see others and themselves and they can retain those biases into adulthood.

To break this cycle in children under the age of seven, she advises guiding their understanding while their perceptions are still forming. As they grow older, conversations must become more direct and deliberate.

“Children will always come back and ask. The question is, what answer will you give them?” she poses.