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I'm scared of messing up my marriage, again

Relationships
 I'm scared of messing up my marriage, again (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I’ve been married before, and that didn’t end well. And I suspect that a lot of what went wrong was my fault. So what should I be watching out for, to ensure I don’t mess up this time?

Getting it Right

Chris says,

Hi Getting it Right!

Honesty is by far the key issue in a marriage, so if ever you feel you can’t be honest with your husband, or think he’s not being honest with you, then that’s an issue you must deal with quickly.

Other marriage wreckers include neglecting or controlling intimacy, not making enough time for each other, and losing interest in each other's lives. Far more marriages fail as a result of loneliness than because of infidelity or violence. Chat before bedtime to reconnect every day. Not to vent or complain, but to relax and enjoy each other.

Figure out how to put each other first, way ahead of your work, interests, friends, family, and especially your children! More women wreck their marriages by putting their children ahead of their spouses than anything else.

They often also become controlling around the house, insisting everything must be done ‘their way.’ And then they wonder why their husbands are so reluctant to help with the chores!

Develop good parenting skills together, like having clear and consistent rules and expectations for your children’s behaviour. Especially teach them responsibility, and help them grow a sense of independence.

Resist the thought that you’re better than your husband. Avoid focusing on what he does wrong, or never appreciating what he’s doing well. Or becoming over-sensitive to your husband’s small bad habits, holding on to grudges, or endlessly comparing him to someone else. 

Don’t insist on always being right. Or make everything about you. Or become critical or sarcastic. Or become defensive or passive-aggressive. Or assume you know what he’s thinking. Or assume he knows what you’re thinking!

Enjoy your life! Keep fit, maintain your identity, and develop your interests and career so that you’ll always have lots to talk about together!

All the best,

Chris

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