Confessions: My husband leaves me unfulfilled and frustrated in the bedroom

Hello,

I’m a woman of 35 and my husband is 43. We’ve been married for eight years and have a good relationship.

But we have young children, so don’t have as much time for each other as we once did.

Our sex life has definitely ­deteriorated over the past couple of years. We have sex less often because we don’t have as much time and we’re tired. Also, when we do get round to it, it’s ­predictable and over quickly.

Usually, he climaxes very quickly unless he stops and takes breaks, which definitely takes the sexiness out of the situation.

I don’t want to make a big deal of it because I realise it’s a ­sensitive subject but, on the other hand, I’m left feeling ­unfulfilled and frustrated.

I don’t want my sex life to be like this for ever.

I don’t want this to be a problem for our marriage because I really love him and he’s a fantastic partner and father.

Can you offer any advice that could improve this side of our relationship?

Reply:

First of all, I think it would be good to take the pressure off sex and make more effort to reconnect and build intimacy outside of the bedroom.

I know that’s difficult when you have young kids, but it’s important, so schedule it if you have to, just as you’d schedule other important things.

You also have to be more available to each other in order to get closer sexually.

Create opportunities so it’s not just a question of trying to squeeze in a quick one at the end of a long, stressful day when you just want to go to sleep. I know it’s not easy when you have a family, but it can be done.

When it comes to the physical side for him– premature ­ejaculation is usually down to psychological causes such as anxiety rather than a physical issue (although he can rule out the latter with a visit to his doctor).

If this has happened to him several times now, he’ll be expecting it to happen every time he makes love to you, which makes him anxious and it happens again.

Perhaps if the pressure was taken off ‘performing’ and he felt closer to you, he’d feel more relaxed during sex. Focus on foreplay as opposed to penetration for a while and build back up to that.

If you try and don’t feel that you’re getting anywhere, then consider psycho-sexual counselling, so you’re being supported.