My libido is at an all-time low. I am NOT enjoying sex at all. I am aged 53. Please help?
Dear John, thank you for sharing this challenge. Your question leaves out quite a lot of information that would help me make a better assessment of what could be causing this prolblem. All the same, I will suggest a few reasons why you may be struggling with your libido.
Your physical health. One of my concerns regards your over all health. When was your last physical examination by a doctor? Do you have any chronic conditions that could be affecting your libido, for instance diabetes or other blood sugar-related conditions such as hyperglycemia (elevated blood sugar) or hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)? Is it possible that you have high blood pressure or even low blood pressure? Finally, please do get your prostate checked because it is not unusual to develop problems with the prostate at your age. In other words, if you haven’t yet seen a doctor, please do so, soon. Should you be diagnosed with these or other conditions, please do follow your doctor’s instructions and recommendations. In many cases, treating the underlying cause is often the solution to your low libido.
Your emotional health. Now, this is an area that sometimes gets overlooked and yet it is crucial to examine because emotional distress can have a very direct impact on your sexual desire. Have you noticed any changes in your moods: Drastic fluctuations from happiness to sadness, moodiness or any other shifts that are uncharacteristic to you and your personality? Have you been losing your temper, snapping at loved ones or behaving in a manner that is different from how you have been? Has there been any major changes in your life, both positive or negative, for instance death of a loved one, a divorce, a new baby, a health condition, a promotion, a new business or any other major life event in your life or the life of a loved one?
Any of these is likely to trigger a reaction that would affect your libido. It is also important to consider the state of your relationship in sexual and non-sexual areas. Do you feel loved and supported? Are you proud of the kind of partner that you are? Is your relationship a safe and fun space for you to be in? If you suspect that your problem emanates from an emotional place, do seek help from a qualified mental health clinician who will give you the necessary support. It is not unusual to begin to feel relied within the first few sessions, so take heart!
Natural aging process. While you would never be considered ‘too old to have sex’, the natural process of aging means that our bodies don’t necessarily function like they used to. As we get older, our bodies may not only take their time to respond to our desires, they may also ask us to respond to their preferred way of doing things. This means that you may struggle to have the kind of sex you were having when you were younger. If you therefore hold your body to previous expectations and performance, you will completely miss out on this new season of sexual experience. Instead, I urge you to pay attention to what feels good to you at any given moment. So maybe you don’t want to have intercourse but is there something else that you would like? How does holding hands sound to you? How about kissing or touching or petting or hugging? In other words, is it possible that your body has led you – willingly or not – down the path of exploration into a new season for you and your partner? This may be something worth considering.
I hope that these suggestions have triggered some ideas as regards your libido. If you still feel like you are struggling to understand or resolve, then I encourage you to reach out so that we may make an appointment for a meeting. My hope for you is greater clarity and insight into what’s really going on so that you can get on the road to the sex life you desire.
Maggie Gitu holds an MA in Marriage & Family Therapy. She practices as a Marriage, Family & Sex Therapist. Reach her at [email protected] or via her Facebook page: Maggie Gitu.