My wife is happy now her president was sworn in

Last Tuesday, there was a serious fight in your household. You had sworn that no TV will be tuned in your household. You were not going to witness the president being sworn in for his second term when he is a source of so much political pain on your neck.

 But Carol loves the president. She voted for him and you voted the other way. Politically, you and Carol are immiscible. If there is one thing you hate the most about your wife is her political choices. They are gross. But she thinks the same of your preferred candidate. The sight of your candidate in a rally or a TV interview usually churns her stomach. It is worse on your end when her candidate, now president talks. 

This is usually a source of hostilities in your household. Conjugal rights are usually suspended depending on who is offended by whatever misdeed their leader committed on a given day. Your leader has been frustrating Carol’s leader, delaying his term for three months. Which means, many a time, an argument has ended badly, and you have gone several nights without touching her.

 There is another problem. Carol, can never be magnanimous in her ‘victory’. She has a way of rubbing it on your face. Damn it. She loves the president so much, she once confessed that “aki, he is so cute, he is the only man who turns me on,” and after shooting her with rebuking eyes, added “of course after you.” She made it worse. Women are made of different stuff.

 So, on Tuesday you wanted to tamper with something so that she doesn’t watch the inauguration. But you woke up too late to find herself nestled in the sofa, ordering everyone around the house and unnecessarily happy. You wanted to piss her off and you started with sarcastic remarks about the whole ceremony, but she wasn’t in a mood to swallow the bait.

 “I never interrupt you when you listening to your (insert expletive), so leave me alone…” she tells you, smiling that sheepish, mocking smile that can attract a slap like a magnet. 

  “You don’t have to be in the house absolutely, go out there and come back when we have a president…” When did women become so rude? When did they become so familiar?

Your attempts to explain to Carol that elections were flawed, and she is celebrating a stolen victory often fall on deaf ears, or if she ever hears a word, it goes through one ear, and out on the other.

 You can forgive Carol some of her misdemeanours, her stubbornness, her frugality, her rudeness, but you have a feeling that if your marriage ever breaks down, it will be due to her wrongheaded political choices. But it is hard to judge her in that line when she thinks your choices are just as worse.

 In recent times, you have stopped any political chatter in the house, but where you left is where she seems to have picked it up. Lately, she is the one updating you about what the ‘government’ is up to.

 Sometimes you pity her. And she pities you back. But you are ready to unleash the “I-told-you-so” when her ‘government’ starts to make predictable mistakes. You will be unforgiving.

 The stage is set.

 @nyanchwani

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