Dry Spell: why sex can disappear from a relationship

According to sex therapists, having sex once a week is deal and realistic whether a couple has kids or not or whether they live very busy lives.  

However, when the frequency reduces, it could mean something is not quite right.

One of the main reasons sex can disappear in a relationship is age.  Many people tend to stay away from sex as they get older and deal with body changes.  

Some factors such as reduced libido, vaginal dryness and even erectile dysfunction can put a damp on bedroom matters.

“Age can affect hormone balance in both men and women. Men with lower testosterone but still working long days will feel a lack of energy and drive, while women entering menopausal years undergo changes in their vaginas that can make sex uncomfortable, making them more than willing to choose a dinner date over a sex play date,” relationship expert Chantal Heide says.

Understanding that this is not your partner’s fault will make it easier to address the issue and find solutions.

Exhaustion, both physical and mental, is another reason.  Sometimes when you are too tired, thinking of sex can be additional labour.  

If this is your life, sex therapists recommend infusing your relationship with non-sexual intimacy.  Massages, cuddling, pillow talk, cosying up with your significant other can help you feel closer to each other.  

If lack of intimacy is the reason for your sexless relationship, then you are in far deeper trouble. It may be a sign that you need to evaluate your relationship and reasons for being in it.  

You will need to answer some serious questions like what role you played that got you in the situation in the first place.

Try and communicate with your partner on what the issues are and what the best solutions to them are.  You may also consider counselling to help you solve problems in your relationship.

"Even couples that are happy with their sex life could see a therapist, because they will ask questions the couple may not have discussed or ideas they might not have known," said Mary Andres, a professor at the University of Southern California, and co-coordinator of marriage and family therapy program.

The other reason for your sexless relationship is routine. Doing the same sexual things over and over again will take excitement out of sex.

Therapists advise that you switch up activities in the bedroom to make things exciting. Spicing up your sex life will not only increase frequency of sex but also make you look forward to having sex.

Experts also warn against spending too much time on devices as it is detrimental to your sex lives.