I remember being a young girl when the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal broke. Being young and naïve and probably unable to understand the dynamics of married life, I was so sure that it would not be long before Hillary Clinton gave her husband the boot, a public and humiliating one at that. I was surprised when she decided to stand by her husband throughout the scandal and is even still married to him.
I was a disappointed young girl as I could not understand why the First Lady, an educated and exposed woman, would choose to stand by her lying, cheating scoundrel of a husband. My mother tried to comfort me by explaining that Hillary had simply done what most women do: make a selfless sacrifice for her marriage and family.
Fast forward to 2015 and I came to realise that what my dear mother told me was a bunch of bollocks. In case you have not noticed, that decision has paid off very, er, handsomely for the former First Lady.
Having wisened a bit, I have a better understanding as to the “real” reason women stay with philandering men - forget the selfless explanation that society likes to preach about.
In an attempt to fit women in a nice and neat little box, “experts” have come up with a number of reasons women stay. These include love, loyalty, loneliness, believing it was a one-off offence that will not be repeated or that the cheater will change. My personal favourite is the argument that women have Hormone Selflessness, naturally flowing through our veins, that all we do is make selfless decisions and so, of course, women stay because they make the selfless sacrifice to save the institution of marriage.
As if a woman cannot be conniving and manipulative and stay because of selfish reasons.
Well, let me educate you a little. We can be just as selfish, only that we are clever enough to justify our behaviour or hide behind the long-suffering angelic qualities society forces on us.
The real reason women stay is because of convenience. A good number of women will not sacrifice financial security or give up the lifestyle they have gotten used to because their man was selfish and decided to stray.
Some women will even be relieved to sambaza their husbands to others because they are simply tired of them.
They stay because they still want to maintain the status of being married without having to do all the heavy lifting or dirty work required of single or unmarried women. So, they stay with a lying, cheating, philandering man, enjoy their own space and close their eyes when he strays.
Others stay to make sure that they are the “winner” in the end. They will stay to make sure the other woman does not move into the main house or become the ‘main wife.’ They will stay to be a thorn in both her husband’s and other woman’s flesh.
Seriously, a woman can despise a man with all her heart, but if she has an agenda or project, she can still accomplish it by being with him. She will stay, iron his clothes and even go as far as to cooking his favourite meals with a smile and act like he is forgiven of all his transgressions. The poor man will never know what hit him when she attains her ultimate goal.
Well, that is the world we live in today. Convenience these days is everything!
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