A radio phone conversation went viral after a woman called during a show complaining about a man she slept with, and who decided to shave her private parts without her knowledge.
The 'sausage funga' turned barber and the lady met on Facebook. After a few chats, one thing led to another and the two met for a romp which must have been quite something, considering the lass journeyed off into the deepest part of slumber that she didn't feel the guy mowing her down there.
So frightened was she that when she woke up to both the dude and her pubic hair gone, she thought the man was a sorcerer who wanted the kinky hairs for witchcraft. Well, I would have assumed worse if I was in her shoes.
Guys, it is utterly improper, creepy and barbaric to shave a woman without her consent. If the guy was so irritated by the state of the plate the food was served on, why wait to clean the plate after the meal?
Here is the thing fellas. That was most likely nothing more than a one-night stand, which men should treat as a pleasant surprise rather than a right. A woman you 'chips funga' is either someone's wife or girlfriend, so if you find her bushy, her man probably likes it that way. Why interfere with a fellow man's preference because of your one-night pleasure. Well, if a clean-shaved 'Siringi Bridge' is what gives you the kicks, talk to her about it first. That's what civilised adults do.
See, when it comes to a woman's state of private part, it often depends on the taste of her man. They say, 'Kila nyani na starehe zake.' Some men love it looking like Karura Forest, others prefer it like Savanna grassland, while for some, it is an 'overgrazed land' that floats their boat. For some dudes, the balder, the better. Whatever makes our men happy, we are game.
It has got nothing to do with hygiene. The only part both sexes need to ensure is often shaved clean, especially the women, is the armpits for obvious reasons. But down there, it all depends on the taste, style and preference of the consumer.
Shaving stuff aside, here are a few other things Kenyan men should steer clear of when they chips funga a woman.
Waking up and disappearing like a ghost after sex with a woman, regardless of whether it was a one-night stand, is wrong. What are you running away from, your sins? Or you think she's going to propose marriage the next morning?
The only reasons you should leave a woman's bed at 2am is is when it's on fire, or there's a big pile of garbage on the pillow. Therefore, if you bail minutes after sex, it makes a woman feel like a big pile of garbage. Which in turn diminishes the universal goodwill towards the concept of the one-night stand. And no one wants that. Personally, I think one-night stands are healthy and a necessary evil.
Do not stir up emotions if you do not intend to keep the fire burning. Keep off emotional stuff and deep conversation like enquiring about our hopes and dreams. Avoid the 'I love you' nonsense too!
It's pointless feeling bad about being the dude who just wants no-strings-attached sex. Look, If a woman in 2017 decides to go home with you from the bar, or after a few chats on Facebook, it's because she wants to. Women are becoming less committed as well. So, if she agrees to be 'chips fungwad' or 'sausage funga' you, she won't expect a dinner date next weekend. She is in this to get laid.
Think of it as an equal, and hopefully mutually, pleasurable transaction between two adults of sound mind.
Lastly and most importantly, even if she swears she's a virgin, use protection!