Is it appropriate to hug your colleagues in the office?

This past weekend, I got together with a group of amazing women. Before we got into the main discussion though, our conversation veered to the happenings of the past few months. If you have been interacting with the tech industry in Kenya, you will know that there has been a lot of talk of sexual harassment.

In particular, a claim was brought against a senior board member in one of the anchor companies in the tech VC space, and the view on how it was handled was in a word, unsatisfactory.

Incidentally, the backlash came in the wake of sexual harassment claims in Silicon Valley, specifically against executives at 500 startups and Uber. Commentators are calling it the prevalence of the 'bro culture', an ecosystem that has created a playing field for men to take advantage of women when they approach them for jobs, funding and advice. These are the insights I got from the women, mostly in their 30s regarding how to deal with inappropriate behaviour.

Can you call it?

It's harder to call this behaviour when you're younger. Most times, women feel confused because the line between a joke taken too far and harassment can be very slim, and also because they do not want to be labelled as troublemakers.

In fact, the latter is the reason why harassment is so insidious – because perpetrators know there is an inordinate amount of shame that comes with the victim speaking up. We are also told not to be over sensitive, compounding the confusion. At the end of the day though, speaking up is a very personal decision, one likely to have some backlash and we need to be aware of this.

Coping

Whether or not you decide to make a formal or legal complaint, you have to find ways to cope. Some women who have been sexually harassed in the workplace report suffering related PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) that can impact your performance at work or your personal life.

Avoid putting yourself in situations where you might have to face the perpetrator alone – keep doors open when in a meeting, and set your boundaries if physical contact is involved. Above all else, do not allow someone else's behaviour to make you doubt your confidence in yourself or think of yourself as 'less than'.

Policies

Most organisations have policies that address sexual harassment. Sadly, the existence of a law does not mean that everyone will be whipped into shape, especially if the person being accused is senior. Some firms also have anonymous portals through which you can lodge complaints against co-workers.

If you are going to report inappropriate behaviour, whether anonymously or not ensure that you have documented incidences with dates and what was said or done, do not rely on memory because if you invoke the law, you will need to have as exact an account as possible of what transpired.

TIPS

- Set boundaries, especially physical ones, when interacting with someone who's fond of inappropriate behaviour.

- Speak to other women in the workplace to find out if they are disturbed by his behaviour or broach the conversation with HR to express your discomfort, ensure you have specifics of what happened and when (i.e not an interpretation of the incidents)