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Habits of men of God that are super annoying!!

Living
 A pastor delivering a sermon

I’m not a very religious man, but a very spiritual and prayerful one. Thus, in my endeavours to sample different pastors and churches, I have come across all kinds of crazy preachers. We all know those types who, like circus clowns, yell and fume about hell so vigorously, producing some awful guttural sounds that scare the hell out of congregates. While at it, they spray copious amounts of saliva in the faces of front row seats occupants. Look, I personally have no problem with pastors encouraging the faithful to tithe. After all, ‘man eateth where he worketh’ is a biblical injunction that pastors are no exception to. But I have a problem with men of God who threaten congregates with hell fire if they don’t tithe or give offering.

What have you done for the first time lately?

Then we have another lot which preaches that social media is devilish. You are left wondering what has technology got to do with salvation or living right? To such preachers, life is divided into black or white, there is no room for in-between. Sad. The other group that needs to be called out are those who waste time beating by the bush unnecessarily. Forgetting that some parishioners, to avoid getting late for the morning service, never take breakfast, they go on and on parroting over a simple, straight forward and self-explanatory bible verse.

As if that is not enough, they, in spite of the ongoing biting unga shortage, subject you to a lot of physical activities like asking you every now and then to shake your seatmates hand (you know how much energy goes into some handshakes), turn around and do this or that, lift your hands up in the air, or punch and imaginary devil in the air or scream at the top of your lungs, saying this or that. We also have some who engage in way too much theatrics like they were wrestlers or acrobats! Kicking the air, stomping their feet, wailing and producing those guttural sounds as they speak in tongues. Others rapidly nod their heads, recklessly blow wind in the microphone, as if their lives depend on it. Microphone manufacturers will one day sue these types for product abuse.

I have had the displeasure of attending a church where the pastor was making people to speak in tongues by force, forcing scared ones to fake it. Some pastors, when they are not faking miracles, they are presenting coached church members to give fake testimonies. During the anointing sessions, this types will lay hands on you and if you don’t speak in tongues or collapse with emotions, they will use all means necessary to get that response. Even if it means tripping, boxing and forcefully shoving you to fall down! It’s crazy how women in such churches collapse neatly with their legs firmly held together, with hands stopping wind from blowing their skirts. I have seen on TV churches where everyone collpases with emotions except the camera men!

Needless to mention those who are hell-bent on emptying the faithful’s pockets at the expense of prosperity. They order you to get your hands in your pockets and pull out the highest denomination. Failure to which they threaten you with hellfire, hardships if you don’t cooperate. Last but not least, and these are the most annoying in my view, those who brag and dwell so much on their success, how they ended up living in leafy suburb, their cars, the countries they have visited, the prestigious schools their kids go to abroad and so on and so forth.

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