Why women have children to keep a relationship

Children are little bundles of joy and everybody cherishes them. Ever wondered what happens when a mother uses children to get what she wants? Many women both married and single have come to a situation where a child is all they need to get things right. There are various reasons   why women may use a child to strengthen or get something in a relationship. Here are some of the reasons.

1)To gain financial stability from the father.

Though embarrassing and very calculating, some women trap rich men to have access to their wealth. They are assured of child support which in turn will benefit them.

2)To keep rivals at bay.

Joyce Lutomia a 30 year old mother of one confesses that she had a child to have a future with her married boyfriend. "He only had daughters with his wife. I knew that if I give him a son, I will have a place in the family,” she says. Her scheming ways worked. She was taken in as a second wife. Some single women also have children so that they can be married or to discourage a competitor. When a competitor realises that her future husband is having a baby with another woman, many women walk away.

3)To test a man's love.

Nothing tests a couples love than when they are expecting a baby. Stella, a receptionist confesses that she deceived her boyfriend to see his reaction. When he responded positively, she went ahead and conceived. "I needed to know if he will be there in such a moment," she says. A man taking responsibility for his child is a true show of love and commitment.

4)To ensure that the boyfriend is accepted by the woman's family.

Some families may reject a boyfriend on flimsy reasons like age, tribe/race, occupation or even financial status. Many women decide to get pregnant so that such men can be accepted in the family.

5)When a man wants a baby and a woman wants marriage.

While it may seem like a fair deal, it's very wrong. Some women decide to trick the man by pretending that they also want a child. It's however unfortunate that these women are just after marriage.

Many men feel resentful about being tricked to have children. In most cases they feel used. John Ekeno, a structural engineer, is such a man. He is resentful that his girlfriend of many years deceived him into fatherhood. He confesses that she did not use any contraceptives yet she had assured him that she was using them.

While Ekeno stayed and offered all the support, Dennis Barasa decided to leave. He confesses that he didn't know what to tell his other kids. He therefore decided to walk away from his girlfriend whom they had been going out for only six months. Asked whether he feels any remorse or regret he says, “I don't feel I did anything wrong. I am not even sure I am the father."

While having babies to keep relationships may work at times, it's important that mothers think about their children. In cases of single mothers, such children may grow without fathers. Some men are also not amused by the idea of surprise! surprise! we are having a baby. Many are scared and prefer to postpone fatherhood.

It is also important that mothers learn to love their children no matter the circumstances. For instance, if a mother has not gotten what she wants, she may hate the child. Such hatred may impact negatively on the child's growth.

Nancy Njoroge, a family counsellor based in Nakuru, quips, "Parenthood is more than just being able to conceive. Mothers should look at the long term effect of how their decisions impact on the child's later years.” She adds that "Dialogue and being rational is the best option for any couple"