Evewoman : I tried online dating, now she is obsessed with me
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I tried online dating, now she is obsessed with me

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I am 22 and studying medicine in Nairobi, I met a 17-year-old girl online about a year ago. She claims to be dying to meet me and has tried to organize several dates but I have never made it to any of the dates due to my tight schedule. She doesn't seem to give up and her calls and texts are now becoming a bother to me. Whenever I tell her that we cannot meet, she cries uncontrollably and has even tried to commit suicide twice. I don't want to change my number but I think she is obsessed with me. How can I get rid of such a woman? I need peace of mind and as at now she is such a bother and I fear she might do something silly if I cut links completely. {Zakariah}

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Your Take:

Zakariah, you made a mistake when you went online and got the girl hooked so you shouldn’t cry over spilled milk. You can meet this girl in the presence of a witness and discuss this matter with her with the aim of bringing it to an end if you think she is genuine with what she is saying. However, you can discontinue communicating with her that way she will forget about you.

{Outha Onyango}

Dating is good but not when it is with an underage girl. She’s overwhelmed by the cyber dating frenzy and I think she is a confused teenage girl who wants to fall in love. You need to focus on your studies and forge ahead.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

If you are going to give in to her drama because she threatens to commit suicide then be ready to give in to her every demands thereafter. By the way who tells you that she wants to commit suicide?

Give her time to mature and to know that love is not sustained by emotions and threats but by mutual understanding.

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{Tasma Charles}

You need to face this girl and explain things in person. Assuming that things are okay will only make them worse so find time to meet her and move on with your life. She’s only 17 and she has a brighter future ahead. Be a man about this and do not run away from the situation. Be honest and tell her exactly what you feel.

{Fred Jausenge}

What happened to masculinity, are you afraid of falling in love with the pretext of your studies? Give that girl a hearing and listen to her thoughts. As an upcoming doctor, you should be worried of someone committing suicide especially because of you.

{Aseri Dick}

Zakariah, you have to decide your own destiny. If you are serious that you don’t need the girl then just ignore all her calls and text messages, she will eventually get tired and keep off.

{Sylvester Odhiambo Ngutu}

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Counselor’s Take:

Zakariah, with that path you have taken, this is only the beginning of your troubles. What I know about online hook-ups is that they are usually a remedy for people whose love life is not adding up or has totally broken down thus they cast their nets wide through the internet.

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This is usually also the case with the people you meet on those forums. As a basic principle, every person you meet online should be handled with extreme caution until they prove otherwise. Remember, these are people you have never seen nor had a chance to interact with so you rely on the information that they provide.

 For your future online transactions, I encourage you to tread carefully and to apply the principle of guilty until proven innocent.

Specifically on your issue, you do realise that she is under-age right? This fact alone complicates this matter to an extent that can get you into a lot of trouble. As far as the law is concerned, she is still a minor and you should therefore not have any relations with such a person.

 But, what did you have in mind when all this started? Having exchanged contacts including phone numbers you must have engaged with her to some great extent. You need to take some time and reflect on this situation carefully. It is not as easy as it sounds and any further contact with this girl could land you into deep and unnecessary trouble.

I can tell you that relations with minors (yes, even online relationships) have put people in situations that have led to them spending time behind bars and in some instances even suicide. They provide grounds for extortion and being online they leave a trail of evidence so there is no getting away when things get tough.

Without mincing any more of my words this relationship is immoral and totally unacceptable. All these issues you are complaining about i.e. excessive calling and text messaging are your entire fault. You must have triggered this and then she picked the pace. You therefore have to get a way of ending it.

Lastly, you seem like a relatively young man and at 22, you should be exploring other avenues of dating. You still have many chances at life and you can get more genuine relationships the conventional way.

Interpersonal dating still remains the most appropriate and effective method of getting into relationships but my advice is, finish college, get a job and now you can think of dating. {Taurus}

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