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Want a happy marriage? Secret is in that marital bed

 Photo; Courtesy

The marriage bed should be a place of mutuality with the husband seeking to satisfy his wife and the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to stand up for your rights. There must be a conscious decision to serve the other, whether in or out of bed.

The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time.

Intimacy is the closeness, oneness and togetherness of your relationship with your partner. It is experienced emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually and in many other ways.

The development of intimacy is a journey that lasts throughout your marriage life and investing in intimacy enables a couple enjoy a fruitful fulfilling relationship.

Sex is a vital component of marriage, so it is one of the most important dimensions of a healthy marital intimacy. Healthy sexual intimacy includes frequency, satisfaction and variety of sexual activities both partners enjoy, and openness to talk freely about sex.

Attraction and arousal are the natural, spontaneous responses. Sexual energy often plays a big role in relationships and should not be taken neglected. Where there is no sexual fulfillment, there is a danger of inviting unfaithfulness.


One cannot talk about intimacy and ignore infidelity. Infidelity evokes a volcano of emotions; shock, rage, hurt, devastation, disillusionment and intense sadness.

The breach of trust is devastating for a partner and results in distrust. For the offended partner, dealing with infidelity can seem insurmountable and one suffers emotional and sometimes physical effects, like Gregory discovered.

“My wife was a virgin when I married her and although I was not, the one thing I valued most about her is that she was pure, saved herself for just me. When I discovered that she was having an affair, I was devastated, enraged and humiliated, I wanted to die, and then I thought it best to kill her together with her lover, and finally resolved she was not worth it,” he says.

“I have hit rock bottom, no matter how much I try to put this saga behind me, I continue to see images of her and her lover making out in my sleep. I have difficulty thinking about anything else, sleeping, or even eating.”

This state of affairs has totally consumed me and I know that I cannot continue this way...She was my world and now I have lost the one thing that was precious to me, my wife, how can I find resolve and rest?”

Like Gregory, many people suffer emotional and physical trauma after discovering that their partner’s infidelity. Although infidelity is devastating, there is hope for the relationship. Be encouraged, many have healed from infidelity and so can you.

Yes, it is possible to work through the issues, find healing, love and acceptance. It is helpful to understand that, under certain conditions, we are all capable of infidelity.

Mutual trust

Trust is crucial in all relationships and particularly in building an intimate relationship with your partner.

It is cultivated and nurtured over long periods and can be destroyed overnight, it therefore should be guarded at all costs.

When trust is broken, it is important to work towards rebuilding it. A few tips;

• Set appropriate boundaries and exercise some level of accountability

• Resolve Conflicts in a timely manner, forgive one another and do not keep a record of wrong

• Keep communication channels open

• Keep the intimacy levels refilled to the brim. Remember that intimacy is more than sex

• Have amble quality time together

• Seek to understand your partner’s needs and purpose to meet them

• Make every effort to keep the relationship thriving and override predictability

• Keep the right company and be accountable

• Deal with insecurities

• Pray and seek God diligently

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