The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print
operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a
leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
Dear Coleen
My girlfriend cheated on me last year with an online relationship, which went on for a year with phone calls, text messages, pictures and Skype. I found out because I found his number on my phone.
A year on it still hurts, but we are still together and trying to make it work. However, if I ever say anything about what happened because it’s been on my mind, she gets annoyed and says, ‘Do you have to bring it up again?’
It’s killing me still, but I’m working on it, and don’t understand why she’s the one getting annoyed. Do you think it can work?
Coleen says
She’s getting annoyed because she doesn’t want to feel that guilt again – no one likes to be reminded of what they’ve done wrong. But I understand that for you it’s hard not to bring it up if you don’t feel you’ve had satisfactory answers.
Did you ever sit down together and discuss what happened properly and why she felt the need to do it?
Or was simply a case of ‘I’m sorry, it won’t happen again’?
As hard as it is, you need to have that discussion and she might say things you don’t want to hear, but you have to listen.
It can work, but you can’t expect things to be the same as they were before. And if you agree to stay together and move on from it, then you have to let it go and not bring it up all the time.
Have one last big talk – lay your cards on the table, tell her how you feel, ask her why she did it, but let her know if it happens again you won’t forgive it a second time.
join