I was so awful to my wife that she divorced me - now I want her back

Dear Coleen,

I was married for more than 30 years to a wonderful woman, but didn’t realise how lovely she was until she left me and she’s now divorcing me.

I was so confident she would never leave me. How wrong I was. After putting up with my bad temper and controlling ways, she got a court order so I had to move out because she said she doesn’t feel safe with me in the house while the divorce was going through.

She often tried to tell me I was controlling but I denied it. She apologised for things when she didn’t need to but, like a child, I wouldn’t accept her apology and refused to speak to her.

I now realise that rather than argue with me, she would do as I told just to keep the peace.

She accused me of pushing people away, which I now realise I was guilty of. I was so sure I didn’t need anyone and now the one person I do need no longer needs me.

She seems to have moved on very quickly without me. How can I get her back?

Coleen says.

I don’t want to be a pessimist but I’m not sure you can win her back now because her feeling of freedom must be immense. Why would she risk going back to the way things were?

You’ve learnt a tough lesson on how not to treat people but I think it could be too late to save your marriage.

I only hope other men and women who are treating their partners in the same way will read this letter. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to make your peace – after 30 years together it would be good if you could part on friendly terms.

I know from past experience that if you put up with things for so long, when you find the courage to leave, you don’t ever look back. The light goes out.

If your wife isn’t interested in a reconciliation, the only thing you can take from this is never to treat anyone you love like that again.

And hopefully you can go on to have a happy life.