Picking up on the signs you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship can be difficult. Chances are you have your rose-colored glasses on when you are in a relationship so you may excuse, overlook and deny your boyfriend’s emotionally abusive behavior.
That’s the worst mistake you could make ladies. It’s important to recognize the signs of emotional abuse because little by little this type of abuser will emotionally break you and he will crush your unique spirit with an iron fist. Below, I’m going to reveal 13 warning signs you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship.
1. HE WANTS YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION 24/7
Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? It’s definitely not. When a guy leaves behind his hobbies and his friends to be attached at your hip, it’s a big sign that your relationship is taking a turn in the wrong direction. I understand that it’s normal for a couple to want to frequently hang out for the first few months, but if you barely have time for yourself; this guy is trying to control you.
2. HE ACTS LIKE A DICTATOR AND MAKES ALL THE RULES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
He doesn’t let you hang out with your girls but its ok if he hangs out with his guys doing as he pleases. He’ll complain that your friends are too slutty and that they are bad influences on you. He’ll say that he hates your best friend. She’s probably the one that is trying to make you see that you are in an emotionally abusing relationship and heading for nowheresville.
3. HE ISOLATES YOU FROM PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE
One of the worst signs that you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship is that you are losing contact with family and friends. Lately your world revolves around him to avoid fighting and constant accusations that you are cheating. What your guy is doing is trying to force you to choose between him and the rest of the people you know. You should be able to talk to anyone that you like without having to answer to him!
4. HE’S TAKING AWAY YOUR FREEDOM AND NEEDS TO KNOW YOUR EVERY MOVE
A really bad sign of an emotionally abusive relationship is if your boyfriend demands that you tell him details like where you are going, what you are doing and who you are with. He gets mad whenever you do something without telling him. You are mentally exhausted because you have to constantly explain your actions.
5. HE USES THE SILENT TREATMENT TO PUNISH YOU
An emotionally abusive guy will refuse to answer text messages, phone calls and e-mails when he gets mad at you. He won’t tell you the reasons that he is mad at you either. Instead, he’ll just disappear off the face of the earth until he feels that you have been punished enough.
6. HE PUTS YOU DOWN AND HURTS YOUR FEELINGS
Words like «stupid», «crazy», «fat» and «ugly» aren’t even in the vocabulary of a good relationship. This guy is trying to put you down so he has total control over you. An emotionally abusive guy will accuse you of making a big deal out of nothing when you tell him he’s being hurtful. This type of guy is so insecure of himself that he needs to lower your self-esteem to ensure that you always stay with him.
7. HE IS EXTREMELY JEALOUS OF YOUR GUY FRIENDS, FAMILY MEMBERS AND PRETTY MUCH ANY GUYS THAT HAPPEN TO BE ON PLANET EARTH
When you are out together, he’s constantly accusing you of looking at other guys. Or he’ll accuse you of trying to make him jealous whenever you dress sexy. He doesn’t let you wear cute and sexy things girls love like your favorite summer mini dress and strappy metallic heels. It’s better to keep your awesome fashion sense-lose the abuser.
8. HE HAS NO LIMITS
Not all emotional abusers have irrational dependencies such as drugs and alcohol but a good chunk of them does. Their addiction changes and brings out the worst in them especially when they don't know when to stop. Therefore if you feel that your significant other puts his dependencies before you, it is more than likely that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship and need to take control of it before it gets our of hand.
9. HE INSTILLS FEAR IN YOU
Most of the healthy romantic relationships provide support and security. Therefore if you don't feel any of that coming from your relationship, there is definitely something wrong. You should be able to feel comfortable in front of your significant other and not be afraid to be yourself. However if your partner instills fear by threatening or intimidating you to the point where you hesitate to do things without your partner's approval, it is time to reevaluate the whole point of your relationship.
10. HE LOWERS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
When you think of your ideal romantic partner, you think of someone who makes you feel like you are the one and only fish in the sea. He inflates your self-esteem by making you feel beautiful even when you feel like hiding in the closet. However there are emotionally damaging relationships during which you begin to feel like nothing. You start to doubt your strengths and search for flaws within you. Low self-worth and self-esteem are big red flags in relationships.
11. HE TREATS YOUR LIKE PROPERTY
You know that it is time to end an emotionally abusive relationship when you no longer feel like you have any input in it. Your partner only cares about self-preservation and uses you to benefit himself or herself. There is no "we" in your relationship, it is solely based on the interests of one person. And we all know that that is not how things should work out.
12. ROLLER-COASTER RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM
If there is never a constant in your relationship and you never know what to expect from it, it would be categorized as unhealthy. Although it is typical for couples to go through their ups and downs, cyclical highs and lows should not become a pattern. Once you get into a habit of severe fights followed by make ups, you will never gain stability. This erratic relationship can only result in lots of stress and heartbreaks.
13. HE GETS PHYSICAL
Physical abuse and emotional abuse come hang in hand, one usually does not exist without the other. Sometimes we forgive our partners for putting a hand on us once believing that there is some hope but in reality once your partner hits you once, there is nothing stopping him or her from doing it again. Making excuses for repetitive physical abuse can be emotionally draining and it can only leave you defenseless and unprotected.
You have a right to be in a loving relationship in which a guy treats you with kindness, compassion and most of all respect. It’s far better to be rocking the single life with your personal freedom intact and fabulous girlfriends than to be stuck with an emotional abuser who chips away at your sanity. Always walk away if you see the signs that you’re an emotionally abusive relationship and make way for a good guy to enter your life. You deserve nothing less. So ladies, how many of you out there are dealing with an emotionally abusive guy?
The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Evewoman.co.ke