Ghosted by my own boyfriend! How do I avoid this in future?

Hi Chris,

My live-in boyfriend and I broke up after a huge argument. I was especially upset because it came as a complete shock to me. We seemed perfect together and never argued, so why did we split up? How can I avoid something like that happening again?

Sudden Split

Hi Sudden Split!

Couples who never argue often break up unexpectedly because coping with small difficulties is what teaches you the skills you need to get through something really bad.

Meanwhile, couples who argue more often learn how to communicate effectively and deal with anger and conflict. So, in future, view every disagreement as an opportunity to develop your skills, such as active listening, keeping an open mind and avoiding blame and criticism.

Keep Reading

Successful couples learn to be completely open and honest with each other about money, plans, friends and so on. Be truthful about everything, especially your feelings. Never assume that you know what the other person is thinking. Learn to understand each other’s moods and know when to offer a kind word or give each other space.

Accept each other’s differences and turn them into strengths. While you can be selfish when you’re single, strong couples have learned to see themselves in terms of their relationship, with shared ambitions and goals. Be genuinely interested in each other’s well-being and success and prioritise your relationship above all else.

Strengthen your connection by kissing and hugging when you wake up, leave home, meet up again and settle down to sleep. Establish a shared bedtime routine and protect your intimate life from the demands of work, family, and friends. Good sex is what holds every couple together, so make sure you have lots of it.

Be forgiving, because everyone makes mistakes. Forgiveness means understanding why it happened and deciding not to let it ruin your life. It means choosing to let go of your hurt, learning from the incident and moving on together. Learn how to argue well and always be supportive, and you’ll cope with even the biggest rows in future!

All the best,

Chris