From clothes to sex, here are a first date don'ts

Sure, you always try to make a great impression. But you may unwittingly be making these common moves that send a guy the wrong signal—and even scare him off.

1. Angling for a five-star meal

I know women who won’t go out with a guy unless he offers to drop a week’s paycheck on a multi-course meal.

“That way I know that he thinks I’m worth it,” the gold-digging harridans...I mean, the gals, say. News flash: If you put a price tag on your company, you’re going to end up with guys who put a price tag on your company. That’s illegal in most states, unseemly in all. Aren’t we all interested in getting to know each other?

2. Dressing down—or up—too much

Show up in your sweat clothes for sushi, and you’re saying you don’t care what your date thinks about how you look. Wear a cocktail dress when you meet him at the corner burger joint and you’re saying you’re confused or mildly unbalanced.

Ask where you’re going to meet, and if you’re uncertain about the ambience, ask how dressy the place is. If you don’t like asking questions, make it a statement. As in, “I’m going to be pretty casual, if that’s all right.” Ain’t communication wonderful?

3. The third-degree

You wonder how much he makes. You wonder how he feels about children. You wonder if he’d ever consider converting. You wonder if he’d like to attend your cousin’s wedding in Phoenix. Wonder away. But keep quiet about it on the first date.

4. Complaining about debt

Toward credit-card companies, parents, loan sharks or anyone else. When you tell a guy you’re having money trouble, what the guy hears is, “She’s looking for someone to bail her out.”

This isn’t fair on the part of the guy, it might not be realistic, but it’s what a guy hears. So keep any worrisome financial situations to yourself for now.

5. Analyzing the ex

This one is difficult to avoid, as it’s a common question posed by your date. The preferred posture here is one of mild regret, hard-earned wisdom and cool disinterest.

 “We were headed in different directions” works, as does “I think I’m a different person now, interested in different things.” Are those vague and murky? A little, but I promise you that they beat some of the more common responses.

6. Sex talk

There are things that make men run in the opposite direction but on the contrary, these statements can make them even more interested. The trouble is, they make them interested in the statements and the sexual bliss they seem to promise.

 And when they are paying attention to the promise of sexual bliss, they find it difficult focusing on your dreams and hopes and ambitions and the real you.

7. Sharing your desire for marriage and children

You yearn for a deep connection, enduring love and a partner with whom you can stroll under oaks together as the years roll by? You long to hear the delighted howls of toddlers, to feel the ineffable joy of parenthood?

That’s sweet. That’s really, really sweet. The problem is, if you talk about it on a first date, chances are you’re going to frighten the guy away. That might be because the guy will feel objectified, that he’ll feel like you see him less as a human being with hopes and dreams of his own and more as a breeding machine.