Parenting in the age of social media

The first time Christine Namunyak tried to talk to her 15-year-old daughter about sex, she was met with a combination of awkward laughter and eye-rolls that nearly sent Christine into a panic herself. However, it had to be done.

“I had a script in my head,” she recalls. “It started with, you know, your body is changing…and I barely got through the first sentence,” she says.

Christine says being a parent is not easy, especially dealing with teenagers, as one minute they are behaving like adults and the next, like the children they are.

“I put aside distractions and truly listen to her thoughts and feelings. I try to understand her perspective even if I don’t agree with her. I make sure that she understands the expectations and the consequences of not meeting them,” she says.

She is not alone, as activist and businessman Boniface Mwangi also had an awkward moment with his teenagers recently.

“This morning I had breakfast with our children. Wifey was working and I was “dad-sitting.” We have an almost 18-year-old, a 14-year-old and a 13-year-old, and they made me squirm in my chair. We discussed religion, drugs, sex, condoms and toilet hygiene. My heart was beating faster than Usain Bolt’s when he did his 100-meter dash Olympic win,” he shared on social media.

“Today, I had to become a teenager to understand their viewpoint, but I was so proud my children could discuss sex, drugs, alcohol and everything in my presence. You don’t have to be intelligent to have an opinion, nor do you need to be having sex or doing drugs to have an opinion. Desmond Tutu said, ‘Don’t raise your voice, increase your argument,” his post read.

Parenting teens in the age of TikTok, Snapchat and viral challenges is nothing like it was a generation ago. Today’s teens are exposed to a flood of information, some empowering, others dangerously misleading and many parents feel outpaced.

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Where past generations might have had limited, awkward sex education classes in school, today, teens are exposed to messages about sex and relationships from TV shows, Influencers and numerous online forums.

Dr Paul Njogu, a medical psychologist, says the key is not to shield teens from these conversations but to be their most trusted ally.

“Instead of treating sex like a single ‘big talk,’ it should be an ongoing dialogue. Normalise questions and admit when you don’t know the answer and lead with values rather than fear,” he says.

Teen substance use is often rooted in stress, curiosity or peer pressure. Dr. Njogu explains that this conversation needs to go beyond warnings and punishments.

Steve Kipande, a film producer and father of three teenagers, says he is an old-school/Gen Z type of parent, believing in a hybrid of traditional and modern parenting methods.

“For starters, discipline is done the conservative way. I believe in the ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ teaching. However, I am a friend and always try to stay ahead in slang and street codes that teens use. Since I am free with them, they also feel free to share their experiences with me and to ask me anything,” he tells Eve Magazine.

“We also have a tradition of involving God in everything. We pray, and at times fast together as a family, which makes us close and open. I teach the boys to respect women, and they see how I treat their mother. I teach them about protection and the consequences of reckless living,” he emphasises.

Sammy Ondimu, a celebrated social media icon and cop, says he has built a strong, open relationship with his daughters. Sitting down with them, talking honestly and making decisions together is a powerful foundation. Sammy says it shows respect and teaches them to think critically while knowing they can come to me and share with me without fear.

“Having one in college and the other in form two, I am guiding them through very different and equally important stages. I always guide them on how to handle pressure from school and social life. In this digital era, parents need to have time and discuss more with their children. These Gen Zs want things done their way, but at my home, we have to agree on positive things,” he says.

Sammy advises that parenting teens will never be without its cringes and conflicts, but the path gets easier when parents let go of the fear of ‘doing it wrong’ and lean into honest, imperfect conversations.

Social interactions for teens now include ‘likes, streaks, filters and emojis.’ It is a world that is both connected and isolating.

For many parents, keeping up with the language and platforms can feel like decoding a foreign language. But Sammy says it is not about control, but rather curiosity and communication.

“In my situation, being a public figure, they have come to understand that social media helps to pay my bills and I use it positively to impact the lives of other Kenyans. I handle criticism positively, and I let them know about it,” he says.

“It’s not about being the cool parent. It’s about being the consistent, caring one. Teens might act like they are not listening, but they are and what you say, how you respond, it stays with them,” says Dr Njogu.