Dilemma: Should I lend my stay at home husband money to start a business?

THE TOPIC: My marriage has been good over the last six years and we have not had any serious problems until my husband got fired in 2016. He was working with a good auditing firm but he was set up by his colleagues on a money laundering scheme that backfired and as a result he was sacked without any benefits. It has proven hard to get another job because he cannot get a reference from his former employer and his contacts are no more. He stays indoors and watched TV all day. He has been pushing me to take a loan of Ksh500000 to help him start a business but I am afraid of losing the money if the business does not do well. I support the family with everything and I would really like to help him get back on his feet but I am not sure giving him the money to invest is the right thing to do. I want to help him out but I don't know how. Please advice {Agnes}

WHAT THE READERS SAY:

The real sign of love, especially in marriage comes out in such times of hardships. Remember when you get married you become one. If the business can get him back to his feet and away from television, hurry up and sort him out. {Aseri Dick}

Sustaining a marriage is about tolerance, risk taking, trust and honesty. Your husband is ready to be part of it but because it's your money, it's too precious. It is a possibility that his business will collapse just like it could also be a success story. Help him get back on his feet, if you can give him the money and move on – would he not take similar risks for you? {Tasma Saka}

Be honest and sincere and explain how you feel about the loan he wants. However, remember you husband is desperate, lonely and depressed and he may need counselling in this situation and on his road to recovery. Also make an effort to be find out what business he wants to engage in. He may be looking for money to gamble with or to invest in shoddy ventures such as pyramid schemes. Also take time and participate in the counselling process. {Onyango Outha}

Agnes, you are totally within your rights to feel confused on whether to help him or not. hat matters is how hard he is trying to improve or if he is taking advantage of your kindness. I was once in a similar situation but my case was worse because he was also abusive and disrespectful to me. I found some strength inside and dumped him and now I wonder why I stayed in that relationship for so long. I have a new boyfriend who is not really financially stable but he shows a lot of commitment in what he does so I help him out. {Nelly Anyango}

You should confront him and ask him to state exactly what is going on. He seems not to be trying at all and prefers sitting in front of the TV while you work hard to pay the bills. This is wrong. For me I have issues with people who are unfocused and irresponsible especially men who want to be taken care of. I find that immature. {Jane Mwangi}

SIMON SAYS: Losing a job but more so after especially after being sacked to a large extent affects ones social, emotional and psychological well being. If you look carefully, he could be just a pale shadow of himself most probably has lost his confidence, his self drive and many other elements but this is because he is living in unfamiliar territory.

The reality is that it is always easier to get a job when one already has one. For most specialist jobs head hunting and/poaching is the most popular mode of recruitment. If not this, most of the other opportunities are filled through networking. These two methods do not favour people who are in between jobs. This however does not mean that he cannot and will not get another job rather that he has to fight extra hard to get and put a lot of effort to start on a new slate.

They say that a drowning man will clutch on a straw – this is not far from the truth. When people lose jobs and can't find new ones as fast as they thought, the next seemingly viable option is often business. However, majority of these businesses hardly live long enough to tell the tales because they are started as a move of despair usually not well thought out. It is good to take a up loan and finance a business and more so to support your spouse but the business has to have been in existence and showing prospects of success – not a new venture. For a start-up it is always advisable to start small and grow rather than throw in half a million of credit money at the start.

Try a different approach by giving (not lending) him say 10 - 15% of what he wants. Make it clear that is all you have and he should make an effort to grow it. Commit to support him on other things e.g. rent and daily utilities for the time being. He has to show initiative and when the small business is showing signs of becoming stable you can lend him some more money. For now he has to do with what is available not necessarily what he wants. Many people go through this and being that he was supportive of the family when things were working, you need to return a hand. That business of lying on the couch all day with the remote controllers neatly lined up on the table just because he has no job has to stop – now! He has to show initiative and effort on his part but be there for him and let him be the man of the house. Even without the money he is still the head of the family.