Confessions: Even with a degree, unemployment leaves me no choice but to entertain men

I am 28, the eldest in my family and I have a BA in Economics. I work at night in town, entertaining men for a living because I have not found a good job for the last four years. I met this guy through a friend who had asked me to accompany him to a party. The guy I met does not know what I do but his best friend who invited me over is my regular client. This guy has fallen in love with me and I think I like him a lot but I don’t know how it will be if he finds out. I need a man to marry me and support me. If he does that, I will leave this job. Should I tell him about it? He believes I work as a cashier in a Casino. 

Ndunge

What the readers say:

Ndunge, at that age and with the educational achievement, it seems you do not like to sweat and prefer to earn easy cash. That degree alone should have opened your mind to any job, or better still, you could have as well ventured into any business -- even rearing chicken! Remember, we should always do in darkness what we can’t be shy of in light. They also say what happens in darkness will be exposed in light. It has already happened. Tell this man the truth so he can adjust to facts early. Let him understand the person he is developing interest in before you two get into a serious relationship. It would be more difficult for you if he broke off the relationship at a mature stage because you lacked honesty at the beginning. I repeat, better lose him now than when you have developed a closer bond. If things do not work for you at this point, change your lifestyle so that your past doesn’t haunt you. If he accepts you this way then thank God and equally change your lifestyle, clearly stating your boundaries with your former clients. Otherwise they will blackmail you even in your marriage and relationship. 

Ouma Ragumo-Sifuyo 

Ndunge, you can only keep this secret for a short time. You have feelings for this guy, as you claim and you don’t want to lose him. Ok, take this scenario. You keep it from him and he finds out after you are madly in love with him then he leaves you because of it, and you get horribly hurt. What if this was you and a man you wanted to settle down with kept some very important aspects of his life from you? I would strongly recommend you make a decision soon! Otherwise, if this dating gets more serious, sooner or later, something will happen to take this decision out of your hands. Do what is right which is to sit him down and tell him all that you feel he should know about you. Do this as soon as possible to set yourself free from the guilt.

Fred Jausenge

Boke says:

Dear Ndunge,

I wish I could say to you to leave the past in the past. It would have been great to see you take on a fresh start. However, you do not seem to want to change or rather your change of trade is subject to a condition that is in another person’s hands. There are many ways you could make a living that you can be proud of. The internet, for example, has opened to us unlimited opportunities. You might not hit it big overnight but it sure will be decent income. Unlike what you are doing now, it gives you an opportunity to get better each passing day. You would not say the same of your current occupation where the opposite is the truth. So do not just resign to lack of employment.

The reason you need to tell the truth is because your client is a close friend to your boyfriend. I can certainly tell you that he will mention it to someone someday and we all know how information travels, especially negative info. It will move faster than you expect. So in this case, I would encourage you to tell your boyfriend about your past. You are better off taking the risk and telling the truth than living in constant fear of being discovered. Remember there is also the possibility of your client blackmailing you in future.

Open up before going far in this relationship. Everyone has a past that they are not quite proud of. It may not be of the same weight or intensity but it is a past. You do not have to go into the details of it.

Much more than keeping this relationship, I implore you to see this as a wake-up call for you to drop this business. Let this be a learning moment. Be more preoccupied with getting your life on the right path much more than getting into a relationship with this guy. Also note that you know very little about him and therefore there is no guarantee that it will work.

Hilda Boke Mahare has a background in Counselling Psychology