How couples can balance public affection

In parks, restaurants, and even supermarket queues, affection often makes a quiet debut: a hand resting on another, a lingering hug, or a brief kiss that captures a moment of tenderness.

Public displays of affection, or PDA as many call it, have become part of how couples express love in their daily lives. For some, these moments are a sweet reminder that romance is still alive.

For others, they can feel a little too revealing. Yet beyond public opinion lies a deeper story about connection, confidence, and what it truly means to be close.

Life coach Ian Munene describes PDA as a form of non-sexual physical touch that helps stir feelings of love and connection. He explains that these moments are not simply romantic gestures but emotional nutrients that feed a relationship.

“Touch meets several emotional needs such as security, validation, connection, and belonging,” he says.

He adds that simple acts like holding hands or hugging can trigger the release of oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," which strengthens emotional bonds and creates a sense of safety.

“Physical intimacy is how many couples comfort each other and express love,” Munene explains.

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Still, he warns that not every public embrace tells the story of a happy relationship. PDA, he says, is not always a reliable sign of genuine closeness. “True intimacy leads to both private and public affection,” he says, but sometimes couples use PDA to hide what they are struggling to face behind closed doors.

Munene calls this performance insecurity, a subtle pressure that makes couples feel they must appear happy and connected in front of others. “When that happens, the focus shifts from connection to presentation,” he says. “It becomes less about love and more about proving something.”

Social media has made this pressure even stronger. Couples now post photos of kisses, long captions about love, or short videos of romantic gestures for all to see. Behind the likes and comments, however, some of these displays can be more about reassurance than real connection.

Munene says the healthiest relationships are the ones that find balance. “Every couple should talk about what they are comfortable with,” he advises. “Culture and environment influence how people view public affection. What feels natural in one place might be disrespectful in another.”

Context, he says, is everything. A gentle hug in a park might be harmless, but the same act in a formal or conservative setting can make others uneasy. “Love is beautiful,” Munene reflects, “but respect is what keeps it graceful.”

When PDA becomes excessive, it can cross from affection into performance. “At that point,” he says, “it stops being a private exchange and becomes something others are forced to witness.” For bystanders, what seems like an innocent gesture may feel like an intrusion into a moment meant to remain private.

For couples who prefer to express love more quietly, Munene suggests keeping intimacy simple and personal. A back rub after a long day. A quiet cuddle while watching a film.

Holding hands during a walk. “These moments build connection without the need for an audience,” he says. “They remind you that love does not have to be loud to be real.”