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I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about 18 months and things were fine until a couple of months ago when his ex got in touch to say she’s broken up with her partner and needed someone to talk to.
She was left in quite a bad way financially and emotionally, so I felt sorry for her and didn’t mind my boyfriend going over there to offer advice. They had been together for five years when they split up in 2016.
It’s been a few weeks now, though, and she’s still calling and texting him. He’s been over to hers a lot, and I’m starting to lose patience.
I don’t want her in our lives and I don’t want to have to talk about her constantly. I feel she’s getting in the way of our relationship, but my boyfriend can’t see it.
The other day I brought it up and he got pretty angry, telling me I was heartless and unsympathetic.
Am I missing something?
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She’s an ex, and I wonder how he’d feel if I were spending so much time with one of my ex-boyfriends.
Well, it sounds to me as you’ve been pretty calm and understanding, but now you want to turn his focus back to you and your relationship and I think that’s fair enough.
I think you need to attempt to have another discussion about things without either of you getting angry, and ask him to put himself in your shoes.
How would he feel if you were devoting so much time and energy to an ex? My guess is, he wouldn’t be too keen.
You don’t have to ask him to cut her off completely, but I think it’s important to set boundaries in line with what you’re happy with.
He needs to think about what’s more important to him – your relationship or his ex. And while he might be innocently trying to help a friend, maybe his ex has got an ulterior motive, and I’m sure that idea has popped into your head and fed any insecurities.
Don’t let him fob you off and make you feel bad – he’s the one who’s being insensitive to how this is affecting you.