Men only: Types of fathers who cause 'dad issues' in guys

Fathers who cause ‘dad issues’ in guys

Last Saturday’s ‘Men Only’ about seven types of men to be wary of - including those who wish to marry you in a huge hurry - was a big hit among the guys, going by FB hits on the article. But it was supposed to be for ladies!

So this week, I will do the ABCDEFG of the type of fathers who cause ‘daddy issues’ in their sons. Then I will see if, paradoxically, the piece will be a hit for female readers of this column. Here we go.

Absent dads

There are fathers who, if life was a primary school, and they had to answer to their names in morning assembly, would be marked as ‘absent’ almost every day. I am not talking about the Deadbeat Dads that Beryl Wanga was railing against the other day. Nay! Deadbeat fathers, like dead dads, are non-existent and should be viewed as such. But those men who disappear to work at daybreak! Go straight to the pub after work. Come home long after nightfall, when kids are asleep. See their kids only on Sunday at swimming. Then one day wonder why their teenage sons regard them as strangers, with nothing to say.

Broke beat fathers

Being broke is not a crime, although it can sometimes seem that way. But not supporting your family is not a good thing, bwana. I’m not talking about those men who, try as they may, cannot seem to get a lucky break. I’m attacking a new breed of man, who is happy enough to breed, but then lets the Lady of the House be the one to brood and worry about food, rent and how the bills will be paid. Your sons will grow up either not respecting you; or worse, become future burdens on some poor woman in 2050.

Cruel men

These types directly traumatise their families by being brutes towards them. They are the wife beaters, who make fear and fury a constant in the hearts of helpless boys, watching moms being abused. There are those men who take their own anger out on their sons, creating a cycle of abuse. Both Hitler and Stalin grew up with fathers who used to punch the living daylights out of them. Then there are the emotionally cruel dads, either in words or by an absence of any affection.

Drunken dads

Alcoholic parents, more common among males than females, don’t do their kids any favours. Other than the often depressing pissing away of finances, often meant for school fees, or that could have given the family a small holiday, there are other psychological toll booths. The son of an angry alcoholic, for example, may become a very fearful man who is scared of angry people. Yet in the world, one cannot be a coward, shying away from all confrontation.

Embarrassing ol’ man

There are some fathers who do, or make boys do, some rather embarrassing things. I remember being made to go gut giant mbutas on Saturday mornings (that my late ol’ man had bought and brought Friday nights) in the playing field of our middle class estate. Another time, I was the unwilling public apprentice to his vodka-distilling attempts, and the two of us ended up at the Chief’s camp, accused of making illegitimate chang’aa.

Fishy fathers

But far, far worse are the fishy fathers among us, especially the sex pests of incest. Others are fishy in the sense that they are crooks and criminals. No young man wants to tell his college classmates on a sunny Saturday that the reason he’ll miss Chelsea beating Man United is ‘I have to travel to Manyani to visit my old man, who is serving the 18th of his 20-year sentence for second degree murder …’ Then when you’re released in 2020, how are you supposed to relate to that 22-year-old you left at two, when you got jailed?

Girls, and the dad.

Some fathers out here are randy old goats, like a certain infamous man from Western I’ll not mention. You have your wife and kids. Yet you want to sleep with her niece, the nanny, your work colleague, the local barmaid, your best friend’s babe? Must be a mental issue at play. I know this college boy, let’s call him Collins, who had a college girlfriend, call her Harriet. He suspected she had a sponsor, so the future electrical engineer hacked her phone. Only to find ‘nudies’ of his father, Fred, although none of the trio had an idea they were sharing.