Women and their money: Gosh, where does it go?

Just like religion and the nasty politics of Jubilee vs Nasa, Women and their money is an emotive issue that must be discussed with caution, lest tempers flare up and ruin relationships, marriages or even friendships.

Unlike men, who liberally or even at times recklessly spend their cash, women treasure theirs and jealously guard it. So much so that some are even allergic to spending their cash and would rather spend a man’s.

“Come between a woman and her money at your own risk,” opines 34-year-old Robert Kuria*, adding: “I know of women who will nag you for petty cash they lent you even a decade ago.”

A woman’s money is guarded jealously, especially against her man. Women go to great lengths to protect their cash from their men, even if it means running secret bank accounts.

“Most married men will tell you, their wives’ money has a haunting effect. My wife, for instance, always complains that she has no cash, but when you stumble upon any in her purse, she always quickly says 'ni ya chama',” agonises the businessman.

Women learn this behavior very early in life. Think of our mothers who used to claim to have lost money, yet they had previously said they are very broke and have no penny on themselves.

As if to give credence to these allegations, a certain Gloria lays bare the secret. Hear her: “Yes, most of us have secret bank accounts. The money we get from our endeavours such as chamas... we never disclose everything to our men. Mostly, if you don’t trust each other, you cannot afford to be transparent.”

Secret bank accounts ladies keep from their men

Partly why women are secretive with their money is because they hate to imagine their men using cash from their wives to fund mistresses’ projects.

“Unlike men, who can easily access funds from credit facilities, women work so hard for their money. The worst a woman wants to hear is news that her man has borrowed from her to entertain another woman,” says Cherono.

She, too, confesses of having secret savings, which she claims are a fall back plan for emergencies like in the event he kicks her out.

“A smart woman must save on the side. Our men have increasingly become slippery. Lazima ujipange in case of any eventuality like kufukuzwa,” she says.

Some women argue that having secret bank accounts is of no sinister motives. They argue that it’s just a way of helping boost the family budget for rainy days because most men have poor saving culture.

The average wife’s money never makes it to the family budget or to her husband’s pocket, even as a debt. A recently released report by Consumer Insight partly explained it.

“The average Kenyan woman would rather spend her money on clothes, her face and hair rather than on school fees or rent. Seven in ten women prefer to buy beauty products ahead of paying rent, fees, saving or buying clothes for their own children,” said the report, insinuating that beauty comes second only to food for the Kenyan woman!

Misfortune of borrowing cash from a woman

Women’s crazy love affair with their money can be best explained by men, like one Paul, who have had the misfortune of borrowing such cash and delayed in repaying.

“It is a bad idea to borrow money from a woman. If it is them borrowing, they expect you to be patient with them in repaying. But if it is them who borrowed from you, forget it! You will never hear the last of it, and if you try demanding it back, they defame and gossip about you, calling you petty and a nag,” says the 31-year-old medic, who got his name maligned after he failed to pay back on time cash he had borrowed from one of his female friends.

Some of men this writer talked to said despite their girlfriends and wives earning more than them, they have never seen a cent of their money. No surprise treats or big gifts, save for socks and ties!

Take the case of Juma, whose wife behaves, in his words, “like a spoilt brat” and scoffs at him whenever he announces that he is stuck and needs her to pay some bill.

“I once asked her to foot an electricity bill as I was broke. She flatly refused and called me ‘strange’. She said she had never seen her father ask her mother to pay for anything,” says Juma.

In the days gone by, men were breadwinners and the politics of family finances were less muddled. However, with the empowerment of women, more so on the financial front, one would expect women to unburden their men. They should, for instance, have learnt to pay bills, but wapi (far from it)! Instead, women, as most men say, have continued to be dodgy and tight-fisted with their money.

They seem to have stuck and strictly adhere to the mantra: “My money is mine, and his money is ours.” The running joke in most male circles is that the easiest way to get a woman sulk and foam at the mouth is asking her to chip in at the time of paying the bills, however much she could be earning.

For a certain Sam, a marketer in Nairobi, his wife earns slightly more than him, but she never participates in settling bills.

“For the sake of peace, I never ask her to help in paying the bills. I struggle with them alone as a man. Even when my salary is late, I’d rather borrow money from a colleague to settle the bills than ask her to chip in,” reveals Sam.

Why are they stingy to spend even on their guys

He proceeds to add that he once had a technical hitch that delayed his salary and tried to say something to the effect that he wanted her to chip in and it didn’t go down well with her.

“She scoffed at me and sarcastically asked if I still wanted to be considered a man after heaping my responsibility on her. I was embarrassed. I had to borrow money from a friend,” adds Sam.

He wonders what his wife does with her money, because whenever he tells her that he is broke, she also pulls the same line on him. Yet she hardly makes any financial contribution to the running of their household. 

Many men have been left wondering how some women can afford to shout themselves hoarse about equity and ‘equality’, but the moment they are called upon to share certain responsibilities with their men, such as paying bills 50-50, they start whining.

Without noticing the irony of it, Nancy, who is a housewife, subscribes to the view that a man who cannot take care of his woman has no business being in a relationship or married.

While women have evolved in many aspects, psychologically they are still stuck with the old mentality that the man has to pay the bills. Or at least take the lions’ share in paying.

Mention to a lady about going Dutch (splitting the bill) at a restaurant and you will see the mother of all protests. She will 'simplify' the matter by claiming you are not a gentleman!

For Sandra, women can pay the bills or split where necessary but the problem is always with the men. A female newspaper editor, who requested anonymity, too, thinks the male ego is the problem.

“I have been in many situations where I was willing to foot the bills, but my male companions are always uncomfortable, forcing me to let them do it,” she says.

When women help, it is said, they broadcast it everywhere. And they hardly help someone for long without complaining. Interestingly, some women know this too well that they don’t borrow from fellow women, they borrow from men!