Your relationships must be thriving if your primary love language is words of affirmation or quality time, and you are putting the lessons into practice. However, if you are not, it may be that you understand love by receiving gifts. Giving gifts is a major part of relationships in every society throughout human history, gift giving has been perceived as an expression of love and acceptance universally.
A gift is an expression of love, care and commitment. It expresses that someone is not only thinking about you but they have gone out of their way to get you a gift which will constantly remind you of them.
This week when you think about your partner, it may be rewarding to give them a gift that expresses your thoughts towards them. The gifts need not be expensive or elaborate; it is the thought that counts. It could simply be a home-made card expressing your gratitude towards your partner. Little things mean a lot to a person whose primary love language is receiving gifts.
Every process of marriage universally involves exchange of gifts as part of the marriage process and the symbolic gifts being the exchange of rings on the wedding day, the meaning is expressing the language of love, symbolic gifts that will continue to remind them of their shared love and commitment.
James loved giving and often showered his wife with lots of thoughtful gifts, the latest gift being a smart phone and expensive jewellery. You probably are wondering what you can do to become a recipient of the same from your partner who never gifts. James did not win any points for sending his wife the expensive gifts, instead she was upset.
“Why do you like spending money on unnecessary things, I am happy with the standard phone neither do I need the jewellery. I am happy with the phone I am using, you should have asked me” I do not need a new phone, instead I need you to spend more time with the family. Why do you keep buying my love.” He was disappointed and continues to feel rejected and not loved. All he did was to express his love through gifts, can she not see that?
While we tend to speak from our primary love language, we may confuse or frustrate our partner when it is not their love language and they don’t quite understand us. On the other side, if we want our partner to feel the love we are communicating, we might want to “translate” our message into their primary love language.
What comes to us all naturally is to communicate with others in the way that we know how. However, relationships challenge us to think and behave outside of what comes to us naturally or instinctively. Make it your desire to understand your partner’s love language and yes your love language too in order to communicate effectively and enjoy a fulfilling relationship.
If gifts are your way of communicating love to your mate, it may be worth recognising, appreciating and acknowledging that that’s the way they say “I love you” or better still their way of apologising.
This week, as you try to understand your partner’s primary love language, I encourage you to actively and consciously communicate it. Remember that practice makes perfect and habits are formed.
What comes to us all naturally is to communicate with others in the way that we know how, however, in this case it is not about you but your partner. Make it your desire to understand your partner’s love language in order to communicate effectively and enjoy a fulfilling lasting relationship. It is the thoughtfulness, and the intention behind the gesture, that is important and means the most. Exercise gifting and thrive!
The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke