Tales of men who get ‘chips fungwad’ by women

There are way too many boys masquerading as men in Nairobi. When they are not gossiping in WhatsApp groups, you will find them lining up at salons for sissy stuff like pedicure, manicure and general grooming. Good Lord, some now join women’s chamas!

I had just introduced a fatty piece of chicken in my mouth when two such sissies seated behind me at a restaurant at the weekend began gossiping. I almost choked on the chicken wings I was ripping apart the moment one of them began narrating to the other how a woman, to borrow street parlance, ‘chips fungad’ him last Friday. For the uninitiated, to be ‘chips fungwad’ is simply being picked by a stranger for an overnight randy romp. Just so you may know, it has nothing to do with prostitution because no money exchanges hands here.

If the enthusiasm with which he was narrating is anything to go by, then, to him, being picked by a random woman at an entertainment spot for a night is a boastworthy endeavour. The story and many other related ones got me wondering whether real men have become extinct in Nairobi? Methinks men have increasingly become very cheap in a rather annoying way. Women have taken over hunting for mates; a role that was traditionally a preserve of men and, boy, are they having it so easy. It has become easy for women to bag a decent man for an overnight fling.

A woman doesn’t need to put in real effort or to even look ‘hot’. For a hunting spree, confidence is sufficient ammunition for a woman to drag a Kenyan man to bed in broad daylight. For those who lack confidence to bang the nail on the head, flashing some cleavage, giggling sheepishly at a man’s dry jokes or wrapping your posterior in a clingy dress is sufficient indemnity. We seem to have so many men desperate for some. They don’t want to break a sweat chasing a girl. Personally, if a woman hits on me and manages to ‘chips funga’ me, I would be so embarrassed I doubt I would function at the junction. I wonder how these ‘tunairobi’ men pull it off.

Nowadays, city men get weak in the knees and blush like small girls when naughty Nairobi girls wink at them in traffic. You wander whatever happened to machismo and bravado that defined men back in the day. Today, the average man will find it hard to resist an invitation by a hot next door neighbour ‘to fix her malfunctioned TV remote control’ in the dead of the night. For those who missed the memo, the dating scene has drastically changed, with women now brazenly doing the chasing. So much so that it’s the men who now beg, “please, let’s take things slowly”! That chivalry is dead and buried is no secret. The only guys who still practice chivalry or look like they take it seriously are the paid actors in Mexican soap operas.