×
The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
  • Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
  • The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
  • P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
  • Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
  • Email: [email protected]

I just found the best family planning method: It has zero side effects!

Pregnancy
 Once, my moods directed me to ask her why she was sharing my bed with me yet she was not my husband.

As I catwalk through my second year of motherhood, I can't help but think aloud about the most efficient family planning method in this generation. One with zero side effects and is neither popped, injected nor planted into the body. As a matter of fact, it works perfectly outside the body. It is none other than domestic managers!

I must say I am among the very few lucky mothers who have held on to a domestic manager for two years and still counting yet we have never crossed paths, not even once. Of course except for the time I was expectant and living in a single room and sharing a bed with her.

This lady's body takes the shape of letter Q when she is sleeping yet an expectant mother's body takes all shapes. You can imagine two adults sleeping in a 3 x 6 bed and both of them taking shapes of two capital letters.

Once, my moods directed me to ask her why she was sharing my bed with me yet she was not my husband. Thank God she understood my mood swings and stuck with me through thick and thin. I know the curious you now wants to ask where the man of the house was. If you get an answer, kindly share with me because I have no idea too.

Anyway, back to our family planning method. These people have found a way of holding women hostage in their own homes. The pressure you get from this lot can make your Fallopian tubes faint willingly or unwillingly. Your ovaries will take another route and head towards the back of your head through your backbone causing you migraines and backaches.

While some of them have perfected the art of shocking you with their exit on a chilly working day when you have deadlines, others have found a way of making you risk your life by boarding motorbikes to beat traffic as you rush to a vacant house after receiving threatening messages from them while you are at work. A missed call from your domestic manager or better still nanny is enough to send you into labour even if you are not pregnant. So you can imagine what a threatening message would do.

Imagine you are busy going through your duties at work when you receive a message telling you "Nimewacha mtoto kwa bedroom, nimerudi kwetu". The baby in question is barely a year old and you wonder what human being in their right senses would leave such a baby alone.

To make it worse, you do not have any neighbour's contacts. That's the time you know that apart from being a mother, you can also be a biker, and a very fast one for that matter. The moment you get home to your baby, you swear never to even shake a man's hand if at all it will lead to another baby.

Gone are the days when the domestic managers would blend into the family and become part of them at some point. I remember as a child referring to our domestic manager as 'aunty'. Try that with the current mothers or domestic managers and you will know why goats have a limited tail that points towards their maker. No mother wants to 'impose' relationship where there isn't one and vice versa.

The same women who have employed the domestic managers view them more as co-wives than as employees. This has led the domestic managers to retaliate by ensuring they hold everything hostage including innocent ovaries and sperms. I know of women who are practising family planning because of what nasty house managers have put them through.

As for me and my ovaries, their wishes will always be our commands.

Related Topics


.

Recommended Articles