Agony as my landlord’s daughter turns down my romantic advances

Would men be able to handle childbirth better than women??

The good thing with dating a plus-sized woman is that if you anger her and she decides to chase after you in order to teach you a lesson, you can always outrun her.

With that in mind, I found the landlord’s daughter even more attractive for dating. In no time I was convinced a romantic relationship with Stacy was the best thing I had never had.

Plus she had already given me enough hints. Like saving my life and job by claiming that the idea to turn her father’s unoccupied rental units into lodgings was her idea. And also not sneering anymore when I was in the vicinity. The best way to thank her was to become her headache.

“Stacy, I want to be with you the rest of my life!” read the SMS I sent to the landlord’s daughter after downing a couple of beers to summon courage. A text message was safer than face-to-face since I would not be within striking distance should she turn violent.

I stopped cleaning the common areas at the flats to wait for the reply. Two minutes and nothing. What could have gone wrong? Had it been delivered? Had she perhaps deleted it by mistake before she could read it? Should I resend? The stresses of modern courtship...

Several hours later I decided it had been a bad idea to propose a romantic relationship.

Now I realised the wisdom of never addressing someone by their real name and instead resorting to such words as baby, honey, darling, bae, chocolate, sugarcane, and avocado when sending love messages.

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In case you want to backtrack you can always claim it was meant for someone else. But while I had failed in strategic thinking I remembered in time that I had not come this far in life by being truthful. So when Stacy strolled into the compound later that evening from work, I was ready for her.

“Stacy, I am very sorry... the message was not meant for you. It was for another Stacy...” I stammered. “Oh... I was actually very flattered...” she said all of a sudden looking disappointed. Oops, I had shot myself in the foot. It was not too late to walk it back though.

“Actually it was... you are the best thing that could happen to my life... I just can’t get you out of my mind...” I blubbered, a sheepish grin written all over my face. She gave me a strange look. “Hey hey... slow down!” she yelled. “Look... I did not say I am interested... I just said I was flattered by the thought...”

She started walking away. The sneering was back. “But you lied to your father for me...” I reminded her. “Yes... because you brought me back safely the other night... and I think you need the job... at your age you need to find a purpose... but understand you are like my brother...” she said.

Forget about being asked to grow up but... brother? It’s better to be called a canine by the other gender than to be told anything beyond a handshake would be incestuous. It was my turn to walk off in a huff.

All I now wanted was bad things to happen to her. Like her favourite fast food joint to burn to the ground. Or both poultry and potato diseases breaking out so that she can no longer have her favourite junk food.