Can you tell if you’re raising your child right?

The wisest man to ever have lived said, Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Children are born tabula rasa, but afterwards they transform rapidly and boundlessly. I am not an expert, but I have long realized that the window to impact values to our children closes fast. These values range from manners, socialization, discipline, eating habits, religion, empathy, self-confidence. The list is long, and the bulk of the responsibility lies with parents. In the past, raising a kid took a village; today that village has swiftly shrunk, or been obliterated altogether. And so most of the characters out there are a direct result of parenting, or lack thereof.

More and more, parents are being accused of relegating their duties to house helps and teachers. Last year, memes were doing rounds on social media when Matiangi set precedence by giving kids a full two months holiday. We all laughed and passed them along. But why exactly are parent’s scared of being at home with their kids? Have we gotten used to spending as little time as possible with them that we can no longer interact with them? Is it that we have adopted parenting by bribery, you know, just give them what they want to keep them away- be it money, technological toys, outings? Do we only spend time with them on an absolutely need to basis?

Before we know it, they’re teenagers and our window closes. That sweet kid who used to give you stolen kisses and yearn for your company now sees you as the enemy. They will do anything just to spite you. Your influence becomes close to impossible. This is the time most parents start running around lamenting to whoever will listen – their mother, pastor, friends- that they don’t understand what has gotten into their children; they are so withdrawn, defiant and hard headed. A common Swahili saying goes mti ukunje ungali mbichi (bend a branch when it’s still fresh). I believe all parents start off intending nothing but the best for their children, yet I also hold that sometimes we deliberately enable ill mannerisms. An old tale talks of a boy who was a petty thief and graduated to an armed robber largely because his mother covered up for him and even hid him from the authorities. When his forty days were up, he was sentenced to death and his last action as a free man was to bite off his mother’s ear. She knew better. She was the parent.

Children are shaped by forces both inside and outside the home. Still, Dr. Brunner, a Psychologist, asserts that ‘the most important role you have is to help your child internalize a value system that will be their compass as they sail the rough seas of life. If you do not spend enough quality time with your child, they will not internalize the value system you want them to, most likely.’ If you want to know you are raising your child right, be candid and consistent, call them out when they’re wrong, offer your unconditional love. Most importantly, role model the character you want them to embody, you are after all their first role model.