Oh, how I love kids...not really

I love kids. Truly, I do. I love their small feet and soft skin. I love their clear curious eyes. I love that they smile without teeth and you can’t help but smile back. I love the way they throw their supple legs about when suckling, I love how they say 'Baba' before 'Mama' whom they have a high dependency relationship with.

I love the way they smell especially when their mothers appreciate baby products, I love how they fall asleep at the most absurd corners in such fashionable styles, I basically love kids...when they are tiny and not mine!

I am a man, which means I'm never caught in the moment; save for football and girls which I snap out of immediately the season is over. I know, I have seen how those little bundles of joy throw men off balance some never regaining.

I have seen my friends walk down the aisle they have never seen since their high school days, a car loan being diverted for a certain urgent 'ruracio' to impress her family, decisions to move estate, cancel friendships, start a side hustle, quit or start drinking, give up the love of their lives all because of a 2.5kg tiny cute bundle of uncertainty.

Again will she be a boy, girl, boygirl, girlboy or all? Such uncertain times... Will it be as ugly as me? Will it be dumb? Will it be successful? Will it even be really mine?

Of course I want to have a family one day, more as a matter of custom. I can’t really complain on the state of my bachelorhood.

I wish I could find that one woman who in her fierce independent and intelligent spirit, would propose for us to be co-parents and friends with benefits whenever and however.

Surely, there must be one who shares such noble ideals as me, that there’s more to life than going to school, some more school, work and then some higher schooling and just when you are about to take a deep breath and enjoy the moment, just when you want to try run that 21kms in the wilderness of the Safaricom Lewa Marathon, just when you want to drive - your new Subaru legacy - down Mombasa Road at 180kms on a Sunday evening as viva la vida plays in the background for a random cup of coffee, just when the transition from boyhood to manhood is finally happening, you forward-step us to fatherhood - no wonder we never grow up to be the men you so much desire.

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So to all the women out there, looking for a potential father to their babies just because their biological clock seem to be tickling away, it’s not a life machine and even old Sarah finally had that child with Abraham.

To the women who think we can solve your financial crisis by the magical words “baby we’re pregnant”, to those bowing to societal pressure and for those who are blatantly unbothered that you are the woman in the relationship, this is a simple request to you the women in our lives.

Please please ask before having that baby. It is an opportunity to make the world a better place, with better people. Grab it.