Wife can't let me stay with the househelp!

One thing women the world over collectively hate is dealing with awkward issues to do with the househelp. They hate it when they try to get familiar with the husband. A househelp is only supposed to be seen but should never be heard.

You have noticed that ever since the young girl arrived from the village, Carol has been very strict and doesn’t want her to talk to you. She can’t even say grace before meals, much less ask you for money to buy a painkiller. You have also noticed that Carol hates it anytime you are all alone with the househelp, at home or in a rare occasion when you go for shopping together with the kid...

But why? World over, many wives know maids can rock marriages. Even Hollywood wives have learnt the hard way that their husbands drink from the wrong cup. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mick Jagger, Jude Law, Rob Lowe as well as Ben Affleck have all been rumored to have had it with their nanny. Robin Williams married one.

 The biggest maid upset perhaps happened in Australia, where the iron ore magnate Lang Hancock married his maid, Rose Porteous who was later accused of having hastened his death. So, it is easily understandable why women are overly apprehensive when the man of the house tries to get cozy with the ‘domestic manager’.

Women like picking what they believe is an ugly, either too young or too old woman for a nanny, which is nonsense, given that for men, sex is very physical. If the husband is the type that sleeps around, he will hit on anyone, even if you brought a grandmother.

You had hoped Carol, who is perhaps the most beautiful woman in Kenya, is above such insecurities but you were overrating her. The last two weeks have proved as much. Farrah has had to miss her first week of school because Carol has been away, and she could not let you stay with the maid and her daughter. This is absolutely ridiculous, because you have never ever looked at the maid in sexual terms. You respect Carol but you seem to have overrated her maturity. She is human after all.

You didn’t know why she insisted that the maid has to go to her mother until she comes back.

“They will give you a lot of trouble, wacha tu waende home, mpaka nirudi...” is how she put it. This surprised you because you don’t care about the maid and Farrah. You are so good at minding your business.

But you can understand her vulnerability. You will ruin her life and confidence if you slept with the maid who she must have carefully selected to deter you from any hanky-panky.

But such is life and the fate of most women. Condemned to fearing househelps will wreck their marriage but they do nothing but let the maids be in charge of their households.

So it has been a lonely week when you have eaten out because you don’t how the kitchen looks as they all left.