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I'm devastated. Could my husband have brought HIV home?

Relationships
 Photo: Courtesy

I have a 4-year old son and I am 5 months pregnant. About one month ago on my regular clinical visits, I turned out to be HIV positive. The doctor talked to me at length and encouraged me to tell my husband. Up until today I have not had the strength or courage to tell him about this. I have never been unfaithful to him and we tested negative several years ago. I am depressed and worried about who is going to take care of my children when we are dead. The biggest problem remains telling him about this. Knowing him, he will claim that I am the one who infected him especially because I travel a lot for work and he does not like this. He has even influenced his family to talk me into resigning because of his insecurities. Please help me deal with this. I know he will put all the blame on me and chase me away. {Leah}

Your Take:

Leah, I encourage you to tell him the truth about your status and since he might be the one who infected you, he may find it in his heart to accept it and start planning how to live positively. Being HIV positive is not the end life. You still have a bright future to protect and provide for your children.

{Charles Olanya}

Engaging in the blame game is useless at this time and you ought to focus on managing the problem. Tell him immediately rather than wait for him to discover it on his own. Let him blame you but be safe.

{Tasma Saka}

This is not the end of the road for you Leah, there are so many people living with HIV and enjoying their lives. However, you sound guilty about this whole thing as if you have a feeling that you may have actually brought it to him.

Be brave and tell him the truth. It is highly unlikely that he will chase you away – as a matter of fact he may turn out to be very supportive of you.

{Ouma Wuod Ragumo}

Leah, have confidence in this life and know that being infected is not the end of life. Have hope and do not let anyone look down upon you. Put God first in everything and do the right thing.

{Amos Ondicho}

Your health service provider will counsel you on how to manage your HIV status and ensure that the child is born HIV-free. Either one or both of you could have strayed so it is not beneficial to keep blaming each other at this stage.

He should get tested because there are also many cases of discordant couples so it is best to accept and salvage the situation with the help of a counsellor.

{Andrew Didy Chaplin}

You should get rid of negative thoughts and focus on how to live better now that you are also expecting another baby. Keeping quiet wont in any way solve the problem. let him know so that he can also be tested as soon as possible. Don’t worry about your unborn child, doctors can protect it from being infected.

{Pastor Ben, Bungoma}

Counselor’s Take:

Leah, the strongest defence one can ever have is their conscience. If your conscience is clear there is no need to worry about the repercussions. Most certainly it is impossible to know who infected the other and nonetheless that may be a futile undertaking now because it will not change anything.

This ought to be discussed at the earliest opportunity and of course he will also deny any extra-marital issues but if it is clear in your conscience then you should at least say that. The focus should however be on moving forward rather than on allocating blame.

He ought to get tested as well and the doctors will advice you accordingly based on the outcome of the results. There is no other approach to this regardless of the possible outcomes. It would be stupid and self-defeatist for him to blame you and your job on all this.

The bottom line is that you may be both HIV positive. As a matter of fact things may take a totally different turn from what you expect. He may become very supportive and even take a lead in managing the situation.

About being HIV positive, there is really also no need to worry too much about this. In the present day, HIV is no longer a death sentence. With the approach of living positively and prudently following doctors advice, people are living long, healthy and fruitful lives. This is if you do not fall into the quick death trap where people who are diagnosed to be HIV positive vow to spread it in revenge.

If you focus on your wellness and health (which will includes having protected sex with your husband) too can actually end up living a normal life. Just last week, I was talking with a lady who has lived positively for 16 years and I actually got to see the primary difference between the people who live for long and those that die almost immediately – it is all about your choices and attitude. Lastly, who said you are going to die? You have a long a fulfilling life ahead of you so stop planning your death and focus on living positively. {Taurus}

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