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I couldn't keep my trousers zipped, now I'm in a fix

Relationships
 Photo: Courtesy

I am 34 and married with children but in serious trouble because I messed up with a 23-year-old girl and she is now pregnant. We became friends after I frequently gave her a lift to town then we had casual no-strings-attached sex on several occasions. She is now four months pregnant and she is asking me what to do and what to tell her parents. I have tried to talk to her but she isn’t listening. I don’t love her and I can’t imagine losing my family because of this young and irresponsible girl. I think some of our neighbours are already suspecting something from the way they make funny statements at me and so it may just be a matter of time before this comes out. I don’t know what to do... {Ochieng}

Your Take:

You knew you did not love her but still slept with her. Choices have consequences. Face this problem head-on, tell your wife what you did and prepare to raise this child.

{Aseri Dick}

You surprise me by saying you don’t love her now that she is pregnant. Tell your wife about this and take care of this woman and her baby, even if you don’t marry her.

{Pastor Ben, Bungoma}

Are you calling her young and irresponsible now that she is pregnant for you? Accept it and consider engaging all the concerned parties including her parents and your family.

{Ouma Ragumo, Sifuyo}

Ochieng, these are the repercussions of your actions and you have to carry your own cross. Remain quiet until you are asked and when it comes up, be very honest.

{Tasma Saka}

Mr. Ochieng you may need to take DNA tests to confirm the child is yours. I hope you also know your HIV status otherwise you may need to get tested for it as well. Let the girl go full-term pregnancy and give birth as you discuss this with your wife and the girl’s parents. But learn to practise safe sex.

{Onyango Outha}

Ochieng it is wrong to only now call her an irresponsible girl. Take care of her and be bold enough to tell your wife. It’s better for her to hear it from you rather than find out for herself.

{Lenin Muriithi}

You are the one who is irresponsible Whatever you are telling her now, you should have said while you were enjoying sex with her. Take responsibility for your actions and take care not to hurt your family.

{Cyrus Achira, Ogembo}

Counselor’s Take:

It is always much easier to get casual no-strings-attached sex than to deal with the many possible outcomes that such relationships bring. I am also trying to understand why she should listen you and keep this hidden because this is what would be luxuriously convenient for you.

Bear in mind that he is a young girl with many things to think about which may include college, relationships, family and friends. It is therefore not any easier on her part and I know that she is not leaping with joy at the fact that she is carrying your baby. This is just as hard for her as it is for you, if not harder.

Yes, I know you are married with children and that you want what is best for them – and yourself. However, you may not have realised that this situation has and will totally change her life henceforth. She is no longer a young girl but a mother; her plans about school, life and other things will have to change and for God’s sake this will affect even her future relationships.

 This is not to say that you are responsible for all her troubles because she also has her share of blame in this but it is important for you to realise that this is not as easy as you want to make it seem for her.

The most logical thing would be for you to at least commit to support her in as many ways as you can. It is unfortunate, irresponsible and very unfair to pursue a lady and do anything for her to give in to your sexual desires and fantasies then abandon her when things get thick.

She may not have to disclose all the details but do not make her feel used, dumped and alone in this again at the convenience of you and your family. Think of her as somebody’s daughter, sister and as a human being who is going through a difficult time and needs all the support she can get.

If you continue playing tough in this, things are probably likely to tip over against you. Remember she would have nothing to lose if your wife found out about this and ladies have their own peculiar ways of ensuring that information gets to the right people. She can also play tough and move towards making your life unbearable so it is best you contain this situation early and take it one day at a time. {Taurus}

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