Is this hot admin the (second) wife of my dreams?

I am a middle-level manager in a manufacturing company in Eldoret. I am also married and have two children. I am deeply attracted and, I think, truly in love with one of the administrators in the office. She is beautiful and single and I think I would want to marry her someday as a second wife. I have tried to fight this feeling to no avail. I don’t know if I should tell her about this and if I do, I am not sure how we shall continue working together as she is directly under my supervision. Please advise me. {Jacob}

Your Take:

Jacob you are lusting after that woman and there is no love there. Remember you are married and that you have children so think carefully about the possible outcome of this. You will be putting your family and job at risk especially if this got to your superiors.

{John Akaranga}

You are admiring a wild bird that is in the bush at the risk of losing the one that is already in your house. In life, it is better the devil you know than the probable angel you don’t know. Your wife has sacrificed her life to you and given you children, what more are you seeking out there? Forget about this woman. Take care of your family. You might even be exposing yourself to other risks such as HIV.

{Onyango Outha}

You can fall in love with somebody without their knowledge but is it also possible that you are only obsessed with her. Office relationships happen but only work well when the parties are at the same level.

Where it is between a boss and a junior officer, contempt often creeps in and soon, all respect will be lost. Office relationships only make work difficult. Eventually, you will have to choose between her or your job so decide what is important to you.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Even if a man was to find his secretary attractive, it does not mean that there are any romantic feelings or involvement between them. Maintain your cool and find out what it is you really want from her. As for me, I meet many attractive ladies every day but this doesn’t imply that I am in a relationship with them. When we are in the office, we respect the office as it should be respected.

{Naftali Agenga}

Counselor’s Take:

Jacob, this is a common occurrence and indeed many people (both men and women) often find themselves in a situation where they are physically but mostly sexually attracted to a colleague. This is usually facilitated by the fact that people can actually get dangerously intimate while working together also because the office can sometimes provide an opportunity for such things to thrive.

 Come to think of it, with the many hours spent together behind closed doors, the good and difficult moments shared in the course of work, the open environment where flirting is common e.t.c. yes, the office does provide an opportunity for relationships to grow but that is not to say that we ought to take them.

When it comes to the office and attractive colleagues, the rule of the thumb is to keep as far away as possible from anything that could be taken even remotely to indicate the presence of another relationship other than work. This includes even a kiss, flirtatious emails and other messages, outings e.t.c. At work, always try and keep the main thing to be the main thing.

Generally, nothing good can come from an office affair and in your case just like it is in many other instances, when one is attracted to a junior colleague. Regardless of any signal she may be sending your way (some of which are real and others imagined), this thing is just keep off and focus on what took you to work.

When you engage in intimate relationships with juniors you expose yourself to too much risk. First, you lose your sense of authority and respect at work. You see, should she decline, relations between the two of you will certainly get sour.

 Anything will always be looked at in the context that there more going on between the two of you than just work. You will never be seen to be in good faith in any issue that involves her. What is even worse, you would not want a sexual harassment complaint lodged against you upstairs, now would you?

The situation is no different if she were to accept and that is when you will officially start eating from the palm of her hand; you don’t want to go this way, especially with a female junior staff member, or would you? {Taurus}