I cheated on my wife, now I'm paying for it

I am 32 and was formerly married to a good woman until I met this campus girl last year. She showed me love and we enjoyed life together with her showing me things I never thought existed. I was and I’m still born again. Since then I fell in love with her and this love has driven me to the edge. I have been forced to take loans to sustain her high end lifestyle. My wife also left me because of this, now my parents are on my case. I have exhausted all my savings and can no longer bank roll her outings and dinners in expensive hotels. She is threatening to leave me now. What do I do? {Ambrose}

It looks like you got into marriage before you were ready for it. Now you know that not every woman who comes into your life has your best interests at heart. Choices have consequences. Try and get your wife back and apologise to her for what you have put her through. {Tasma Charles}

You are in a mess that you personally created and at 32 you are past these things you are talking about. Try and get your good wife back and apologise. For the other woman, the writing is on the wall - she’s not in love with you. No wonder she is threatening to leave you as your finances run out. Take some time off all these things so that you may ponder over your life. {Ouma Ragumo}

How do you claim to be born again when all you have done is against God’s teachings? Please accept you made an error in dumping a good wife. This college girl was only out to suck your finances and it’s good that you have realised her intentions. Seek forgiveness from God and your former wife. Meanwhile the earlier you get out of this relationship, the better. {Andera Ngota}

Initially, you had a good wife whom you quickly replaced with an opportunist. Sometimes men realise after marriage that they did not marry the prettiest or best woman around but know that one’s wife is the best and most beautiful woman on earth. Reorganise yourself financially and make your family your first priority. Marriage requires higher degree of discipline and a lot of commitment. Look for your wife and seek forgiveness. She may consider her once loving husband. Remember, ‘kuteleza sio kuanguka’ I wish you a Godly start and a more blissful union. {Onana Victor}

Ambrose, there are some fine lessons about this life that one gets to learn from time to time. Most of them, you only get to understand through experience. The first and most important is that a small bird in the hand is many times more valuable than a big ostrich in the bush. The other is that in life everyone has to set their priorities right including having clear understanding of things in terms of the constants and variables.

When you learn to value what you have far above what you can possibly get out there, then you get into a state that enables you to make rational decisions in life.

You say that you love this woman you are living with but I am pretty much in doubt about what kind of love she has for you. As you put it, she lives a lavish lifestyle that you have tried to finance in different ways including taking up loans. Now that you appear to be running out or have actually run out of money she is threatening to leave. With this, I wonder if it was you she was in love with or your money.

For her I can tell you for free that she does not have a single speck of love for you. She is accommodating you simply because you are taking care of her and her material needs. I can also tell you that you are not and have never been in love with her. You were only excited and fascinated by her. This fascination was also because she is probably the direct opposite of the wife you had. The problem with this kind of fascination is that you realise that what you thought was different is only different until you get it, then you realise that everything is all the same.

Yes, many people have on-the-side relationships. In these relationships, people live by the terms and conditions you set at the start. If you feed her with the wrong things, then the whole thing will be twisted.

It should have been clear that family is first, she is second (if not a distant second) period. You made her believe that she was actually first and this led your wife to leave. If anyone was to leave, it should have been her not your wife. She remains a variable in your life and your wife is a constant.

Lastly, spending all your money and taking up loans to finance the needs of a secret lover is like using a mattock to kill a mosquito – it is really not necessary. If you were to go broke, the only person who stands by you is your wife. They take off at lightning speed, and brand you ‘sumbua’ (unnecessary bother).

Get your wife back and amend things with your parents as these are the people who love and appreciate you for who and what you are. This woman is not good for you.

{Taurus}