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Dear Coleen: I’m married but my ex-boyfriend is the true love of my life

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Unhappy: I want to be with someone else Photo: Courtesy

Dear Coleen

My ex-boyfriend and I were very much in love with each other, but broke up after eight years.

I had a great time for 18 years after our relationship ended and had heard he was also happy. I married a good friend of mine – not for love, but for companionship and security (not financial).

My husband truly loves me and I love him – just in a different way.

My ex and I have reconnected after 20 years of not seeing each other and I learned that he’d been looking for me (he lives in another part of the country).

He told me from the start that there will never be anyone else for him and that he still loves me.

After three months of being back in touch, I realised that he is my true love. We are both older and wiser now.

I visited him for a week – we had a great time and talked for hours about our past.

He wants to marry me and I would love to be his wife, but I don’t know how to get out of my marriage.

My husband and his family will be heartbroken but, for me, it’s a very lonely marriage.
Coleen says

I think if it’s genuinely the way you want to go, you have to accept that it is going to break hearts. That’s life I’m afraid.

Of course, it’s a massive gamble. Maybe you’re older and wiser now, but you’re not the same people who were in love 20 years ago. I would make sure the reasons that split you up in the first place aren’t still there.

You could run back into each other’s arms and find those issues resurface pretty quickly. You’re kind of reliving your youth and remembering what you had, but conveniently forgetting the reasons you split up, which must have been good ones at the time.

Having said that, if you really are unhappy in your marriage, it’s kinder to your husband to end things sooner rather than later instead of living a lie.

It’s a hard thing to do, but mostly because it makes you feel terrible – we don’t like the guilt that comes with it.

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