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Dear Coleen: I lost everything after my partner was arrested for child porn

Parenting By Mirror
Photo: Courtesy

Dear Coleen

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My partner was charged with the distribution of child pornography and sentenced to eight months in prison, suspended for two years.

I have a child with him, as well as children from a previous marriage.

I fell out with my family because I stood by him. Rightly or wrongly, I did what I thought was right.

As a result, I have lost everything: my family, my partner’s family, my home   – everything.

Yet, in spite of it all, I cannot turn my back on him.

I have made myself ill with stress and worry and have no idea what to do next.

Coleen says

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I think you have to live with your choices.

You’ve chosen to stay with him and you have to accept the consequences of that decision, which may be that you do lose the support of friends and family.

They don’t understand your choice – not even his own family get it – and I don’t either, unless you’re convinced of his innocence despite the conviction.

They will be concerned for the safety and well-being of your children now and in the future.

The thing is, your family won’t be able to come over like nothing’s happened. He’ll never be part of things like he used to be.

Do I think you’ll be able to talk them round? No. They think you’ve made a bad choice.

They won’t understand why you’ve put him ahead of your children or why you’re prepared to ostracise them.

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I’m not denying that you probably never saw that side of him before but things have changed now.

Think very carefully about the future you want for your kids and for yourself.

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