Dear Coleen: I'm attracted to work colleague but still love my boyfriend

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years, but I’m falling in love with one of my colleagues.

My boyfriend and I have worked in Dubai for two years, but now we’ve finished our contract, we’re heading home.

This other guy and I worked really closely together and we were constantly joking around and flirting.

I found myself missing him when he wasn’t there.

Then, on my last day at work, he told me he loved me.

Even though I’ve left the country, we’re still chatting and flirting online and talk every day.

He said I shouldn’t get married to my boyfriend but should marry him instead.

He’s even talked about us having kids and me moving abroad to live with him.

My boyfriend on the other hand is still very sweet, caring and almost perfect.

We’re supposed to be getting married in 2017.

I know I love him, but I’m so attracted to this other person. Please help.

Coleen says

I think when you’ve been with your partner for a while and someone else comes along and starts paying you attention, it’s flattering.

And those first feelings with anyone new are exciting.

I bet you had those feelings with your boyfriend when your first met him, but you’re used to each other now so those feelings won’t be as strong.

So be careful you’re not mistaking that excitement you’re missing for real love.

Years ago, my first marriage hit a bump in the road and I had an affair.

It was really exciting and I’d met someone who made me feel fabulous and attractive again – not just a mum.

I fell for it because I was vulnerable at the time. But thinking back, what I really wanted was that excitement back with my husband.

So I think you should at least make more of an effort with your relationship and see if there’s anything left before making a decision.

Lie in bed at night and think about your life without your fiancé and imagine him with someone else.

If it’s really over for you, admit it and break up with him before you have an affair.

There’s no way you should be even considering marriage while you feel like this.