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How to win back your partner's trust

Relationships By Jennifer Karina
Photo: Courtesy

Trust is the foundation and the glue on which a relationship is built. Building trust is a very important part of a healthy vibrant relationship. Without trust, it is impossible to grow towards oneness, fulfillment and thrive! Trust is crucial in all relationships and particularly in building an intimate relationship with your spouse.

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It is cultivated and nurtured over long periods of time and can be destroyed in a very short time. It is a powerful tool that helps the relationship grow. This builds a sense of security. Without trust, couples cannot enjoy intimacy. They grow distant, suspicious, angry, bitter, and finally resentful. Your partner may deserve or not deserve your trust.

They may be totally untrustworthy, which is distressing, particularly because you feel helpless as you have no control over them or the situation. Trust is often taken for granted assuming that the promises we’ve made will be honoured. Assumptions are made that a spouse will be faithful, dependable, honest and accountable at all times regardless of the circumstances, which is not always the case and when one partner does not live up to expectations it can be devastating. The importance of rebuilding trust cannot be overemphasised. Without trust, intimacy becomes fleeting.

They grow distant, suspicious, angry, bitter, and resentful. A relationship needs not end with the betrayal; you can rebuild trust with your partner, and heal.

Someone said that a relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere. Have you lost trust with your partner, yourself and consequently your relationship, all is not lost, here are some valuable tips to help both of you work towards regaining trust. You need to get back on the move:

1. Be apologetic: Apologies are the remedy for mistakes that spouses inevitably make. Recognising mistakes, taking responsibility for them, expressing remorse for any betrayal to trust is the beginning of the healing process. Even if you believe that your partner made the mistake, you can trigger the healing by providing an atmosphere of acceptance.

2. Be forgiving: Forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger and desire for revenge. Someone said that when you harbour un-forgiveness, it is like drinking poison and waiting for the offending person to die. Choose life, let go and forgive, it is for your benefit.

3. Be caring: The act of caring is powerful. You can aspire to develop a more caring heart and mind by considering your spouse’s feelings before your own. Always think of the end result and consequences before reacting. You reap what you sow, sow wisely.

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4. Set boundaries: Appropriate boundaries are the limits you place on a relationship. The limits can be set individually or together as a couple. Having clear boundaries and observing them create feelings of safety and trust. Clearly articulate boundaries and evaluate adherence periodically.

5. Be open to communication: This is the foundation of strong relationship, it is therefore, absolutely vital that couples learn how to have an open and honest communication. Many relationships are challenged because of poor communication.

6. Be predictable: This provides stability and has a way of building trust. Predictability and consistency will help strengthen the relationship and hence builds trust.

7. Be reliable: Build security in the relationship by being dependable. “A friend in need is a friend indeed”, should be a reality in the relationship.

8. Be honest: Do not withhold information from your partner, neither should you be dishonest. Sooner or later all things come to light, and the consequences of not being completely honest will destroy your relationship.

9. Purpose to trust your partner regardless: Why should your partner trust you when you do not trust yourself? It takes two to tango, if you want to be trusted, sow the seeds of trust regardless of the betrayal, however, ensure that you hold one another accountable. Resolve any outstanding trust issues.

10. Seek professional support when necessary: There are issues of trust that can never be resolved between two parties. Arbitration and counsel may be necessary; seek it.

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The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke

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